Black Masculinity and Higher Education

Morehouse College, an all-male historically Black college in Atlanta, Georgia has decided to enforce a dress code policy. The new dress code prohibits women's clothing, makeup, high heels, purses etc. Additionally the new policy does not allow students to wear pajamas in public, sagging pants, and do-rags.

The new policy has created mixed reviews among students and outsiders. The message of "the image of masculinity" is very present in the statements from people supporting the new policy. CNN covered the story with an article and a video.

This policy change and the message of "masculinity" that is being discussed here is actually heavily related to the research I'm doing right now for my thesis.

One way that Black masculinity is performed is by control of the body (style of dress) and the rejection of anything that could possibly portray them as passive and weak. Thus their decision to ban "cross-dressing" is in response to insecurities they have in their image.

The ban on "pajamas in public, do-rags, sagging pants, sunglasses in class and walking barefoot on campus" follows the idea of transcending and rejecting the stereotypical tropes of "Blackness." In the video they even say that these items give their community a negative image, so they default back to the images of leading Black men in history, like Martin Luther King Jr. and Maynard Jackson, who wore shirts and ties. These men presented themselves in suits to solicit respect. It was in response to White masculinity.

It is interesting that this rhetoric is still very prevalent, but disappointing that it's become part of the educational system.

Post-Thoughts on Tyra's Gay Exorcism Show

First and foremost, if you did not get a chance to see the segment, here is a link where you can see the whole episode (Click here).

I mentioned in an earlier post that there things I wanted to share in response, but was waiting for the show to air before doing so. After watching the show, I was very pleased with the editing and what made it to the air. I want to say upfront that Kamora was absolutely dynamite!! She hit on so many great points and you will need to see the show to know what I mean.

I do want to address "the prophet" though and her thoughts on her being a "prophet." First, a prophet is a person that speak truth, and the truth is, God's word says that we are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139); therefore, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer children are loved and affirmed unconditionally by God. And second, as spiritual leaders I believe that "the prophet" and "the overseer" have taken on the roles of being abusers; they have abused their status as church leaders and have committed acts of spiritual violence. I use the term "spiritual violence" because they are causing more harm than good to the souls and hearts of LGBT individuals that come into their church.

To Jeffrey: You are loved by God and you have a place in the kin-dom of God as a beautiful gay man that was fearfully and wonderfully made to be just who you are!!

My Reasons for Going Ex-Gay

As I am keeping up with blogs and posts about Bryce Faulkner and how his parents coerced him into an ex-gay program, I am beginning to reflect back on the reasons I had when I chose to enter into reparative therapy.

I am certainly around the same age as Bryce, except I in no way think that our stories are the same. But I do understand the pressures of being a dependent college student and being faced with difficult decisions.

I came to recognize my same-sex attractions during my first year of college at Azusa Pacific University. It was very confusing, and at times frightening, to recognize my same-sex attractions will being a student at Christian university. I remember having a lot of fear. Fear of being "figured out" and then kicked out of school for being gay. Fear of my parents finding out and disowning me. Fear that I would some how end up with AIDS, die, and be eternally damned to hell.

I made the decision myself to go through reparative therapy because I thought it was the best choice to make at that time; yet it was a choice nonetheless. I also made the choice to not tell my parents that I was receiving "help" for my sexual orientation. My choice lead me down a path of even more confusion, spiritual abuse, and shame. My choice to get"help" did me more harm than good.

Several years later, I am "out" and live my life as an openly gay person. But I am still asked all the time, "Why would you choose to go ex-gay?" Back then, my answer would have been something like, "Well, because I'm a Christian." Soon after that answer became, "I believed that it was sinful." After spending a lot of time processing my life experiences I have come to realize that that answer is a really "bad" answer; I might even go as far to say that it's the "wrong" answer.

Peterson Toscano wrote a blog last year titled, "The MANY reasons I went Ex-Gay." After reading his blog I began to start listing why I truly let myself make the choice to go through reparative therapy:

- I thought I would be kicked out school.
- I feared that my parents would disown me and cut me off from the rest of the family.
- Negative portrayals of LGBT people in the media and in the church.
- Fear of getting AIDS and other STDs I would get if I came out as gay.
- Wanted to get married and have a family.
- Fear of becoming promiscuous, yet lonely.
- Fear of physical violence against LGBT people.

Choices come with consequences. I've faced the consequences of making both decisions: to be ex-gay and to be ex-ex-gay. Both were not easy decisions to make. Ultimately though, I realized that my decision to go ex-gay was not because I thought it was sinful to be gay. Instead it was because of fear of the outcomes that would arise had I not chosen to do something about it. Alas, several years later I have come to realize the outcomes.

My heart does go out to Bryce and those supporting him. His decision to listen to his parents clearly was not an easy one, but a choice he did in theory make. It is unfortunate the levels of manipulation people will use to control and affect the lives of people.

Young man forced into ex-gay program

By now, many have begun to hear the story of Bryce Faulker, a college-aged young adult that was forced into an ex-gay program by his parents.

Since there is already a lot of coverage of this story, I am reposting from other blogs that have already begun discussions around this topic.

According to Waymon Hudson over at the Bilerico Project,

The request to join a new group came through my Facebook page. The group was called “Friends of Bryce“, which could have been anything, but had a note attached that said “Please Help.”

When I clicked over to the group, an all too familiar tale unfolded. Bryce Faulkner, a young gay man from Arkansas, had gone missing after his parents had discovered he was gay. They had gotten into their college-aged son’s email account and discovered messages between Bryce and his boyfriend.

The parents then gave Bryce an ultimatum- enter an extensive and severe “therapy” program or lose all their support for college and living expenses. For a young man from a conservative small town whose entire life, including his job, was tied to his parents, who had nowhere to go and no one to turn to, there really was no choice.

Bryce was sent to 14 week long conversion therapy camp and has not been heard from again.

Peterson Toscano wrote a blog post soon after that compares and contrasts Bryce's story with the similar story of Zach Stark, the young man that was forced into the Love In Action program when he was 16 years old. Zach's story caught national attention and will be shared in the upcoming documentary, "This Is What Love in Action Looks Like."

Peterson hit hard on something that I think is very important

In these cases of ex-gay coercion once someone is no longer a minor, they no longer become pure victims. Although it is difficult and terrifying to resist, if someone is over 18, they can legally say “NO! you cannot make me do this!” and as an adult, they can then live with the consequences. I understand that the financial impact of this can be huge, but not impossible to overcome, especially with the assistance of a boyfriend’s affirming parents and a community committed to taking care of each other (which I know doesn’t always happen.)

I encourage everyone to read Peterson's post, because I think he raises some great points regarding the decisions parents make and the decisions we make regarding the well-being of our lives.

"The Right to Serve" v. "The Right to Marry"

Last night was the film screening of ASK NOT in West Hollywood.  After the film, there was a panel discussion that followed (I was a guest on the panel).  First, the film was absolutely amazing!!  It really shed light on the issues attached to the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and the ways that the policy affects real people.  The questions we got asked on the panel were some very great questions; they were actually rather challenging questions, but that's good though, because this is a challenging issue.

There was one question that was asked that stuck with me the rest of the night and it's still in my head.  The question was something like, "Given that the LGBTQ community is more liberal, they tend to be anti-war and thus, anti-military, do you think that LGBTQ persons don't care as much about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" as they should?  Additionally, given the recent rulings of Prop 8, do you think that the movement for the right to marry has overshadowed the movement for the right to serve?"  (This was not the exact wording, but the gist of what was asked).

This was such a great question!!  I can't even count the number of times I have heard gay and lesbian people say, "At least I'll never be drafted, because I'm gay!"  Responses like that make me upset, because they are accepting policies that discriminate against them.  I wanted to share my response to this question through my blog, because I believe it's important for us as a community of LGBTQ people and allies to understand this.

A person's personal feelings about war, militaries, etc., are irrelevant when it comes to legality of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  The larger issue here is discrimination.  While, the issue of marriage seems to be more of a current event, I don't think it has entirely overshadowed the right to serve movement; because at the heart of both issues is the need to end discrimination.  Regardless of how someone feels about certain topics, everyone should have access to marriage and the opportunity to serve in the armed forces (if they so choose) without being discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation.  Plain and simple.

For more information about research being done on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," please check out the website for the Palm Center at the University of California Santa Barbara (http://www.palmcenter.org)