Launch of New Blog on Queer Chican@ Theology

Over the past few years I have been shifting my work to have a more theological focus, as my way of approaching how I engage LGBT and Queer activism. It was during my time at Harvard Divinity School that I began to tease out my interests and begin honing in on what I wanted to focus my energy and time toward. I have wrestled with developing a queer theology that moves beyond homonormative thinking, while affirming the multicultural make-up of queers. I've been trying to liberate myself from a liberation theology that does not foreground my queerness as something that deserves to be liberated from the structures in place that oppress me. And I have arrived at a space where I find it necessary to begin having those conversations.

With the rise of jotería studies, an emerging field engaging queerness and Chicana/o studies, I am interested in how using this new language in conversation with my background in theology will open doors to begin looking at how we talk about same-sex desire in Latin American and Chicana/o contexts. What I'm basically getting at is, I started a new blog! One that will be receiving more attention than this, as that's where I feel my heart is at right now.

JOT(E)LOGÍA is an experimental conversation about understanding same-sex desire and queerness on a postcolonial, theological level. In other words, how representations of the sexualized body function as religious and spiritual practice. I endeavor to use an intersectional, intertextual, and intersexual approach to looking into what this new area looks like, making use of texts, images, videos, art, etc. So please make you're way over there to bookmark it and join in on the conversation! I really do look forward to seeing what comes of this project.

While my energy will focused on moving into this next chapter of my writing and thinking, I am still committed to speaking out against the ex-gay movement and affirming safe-spaces within the church and religious institutions for LGBTQ individuals. I look forward to still traveling the country to share my story and the stories of others on how we have found a place of reconciliation within ourselves. For information on booking me to speak at your school, church, or event, please email booking@vincentcervantes.com for more information.

The "Ex-Gay Friend" in Our Lives

Last week a New York Times article shared the personal story of a gay friend turned "ex-gay." As a young man, Michael Glatze seemed very happy and at peace with who he was as a gay-identified individual. Until after some life changing events, he no longer felt that homosexuality was a natural disposition, nor an acceptable identity.

As I read through the article I could see myself in Michael's story. As an ex-gay survivor I once felt and believed the same things he explains as to why he chose to go ex-gay.

Sadly, our stories are not unique and isolated experiences. However, the reasons why Michael chose to go ex-gay and my own reasons do differ quite a bit. But again, even his reasons for going ex-gay is not unique. While religion and theology may play a role in convincing some that homosexuality is a sin and in need of repair, there is usually more at work in the decision to put oneself through reparative therapy.

Exodus International Targets Young People for 2011

Despite the substantial scientific, and even theological, evidence that debunks the myth that homosexuality, bisexuality, and gender variance are not embodied ‘disorders’, ex-gay organizations, like Exodus International, have refused to close their doors and rescind their claims that LGBTQ folk are morally flawed and in need of fixing.

Instead, for 2011 Exodus International has refocused their mission and their strategic vision planning has developed into the following manifesto for the upcoming year: Simplify, Amplify, and Intensify.

In an open letter to their supporters, Alan Chambers elaborates on these concepts as they move forward to refocus their mission (simplify), refocus their target audiences (amplify), and refocus the cultural impact their message carries in the world (intensify).

As expected, I have many contentions with Chambers’ message. I find his argument within these categories to be theologically problematic. However, despite my best efforts to disagree with Chambers and Exodus, their organization continues to exist and their message continues to reach the lives of many individuals every day.

An Indictment Against the Violence and Harm of the 'Ex-Gay' Movement

The Soulforce Symposium on "The Truth About Faith, Love, Science, and Reparative Therapy" created a space for some of the leading voices working on 'ex-gay'-related research and work to come together in hopes exposing the violence and harm produced by the 'ex-gay' movement.

I mentioned yesterday that I had the opportunity to present a paper on the intersectionality panel, titled "Critical Witnessing and Multilingualism: Building the Counter Movement," which is available for download on the Soulforce website.

After the Symposium I took time to reflect on my experiences and to process the information and arguments I heard over the weekend. I wrote an article titled, "An Indictment Against the Violence and Harm of the 'Ex-Gay' Movement," to respond to the Symposium which is available through The Bilerico Project.

As I stress in the article and in my paper, it is crucial that we talk about the violence produced in the 'ex-gay' movement in order to build an inclusive radical counter movement. I hope my words and reflection can help inspire us to get to that point.

Soulforce Symposium: Paper on Building the Counter Movement

Over this past weekend, I had the privilege of attending the Soulforce Symposium on "The Truth About Faith, Love, Science, and Reparative Therapy" as a presenter. I was asked to present a paper on the intersectionality panel on building an inclusive movement centered on intersectional justice. The Symposium was a great time for folks to come together and have deeper conversions through multiple lenses about the violence and harm produced by the 'ex-gay' movement.

Download my paper titled "Critical Witnessing and Multilingualism: Building the Counter Movement" at from the Soulforce website.

"Breaking the Chains" Documentary

A year ago, three American Evangelical leaders traveled to Uganda for a conference on “the gay agenda” to speak about "alternatives" to homosexuality; in other words, to falsely teach that homosexuality is "curable" human condition.

The Anti-Homosexuality Bill was proposed just a few months later in Uganda and introduced some of the harshest punishments in the world for homosexuals. The Bill calls for lifetime imprisonment of all LGBT people, death to homosexuals who are HIV-positive and prison for any Ugandan who fails to report LGBT Ugandans within 24 hours of the Bill passing.

Despite the security risks, Ugandan activists are raising the alarm about this human rights abuse. Recent Northwestern University graduate Alyssa Eisenstein traveled to Uganda this past spring to hear from these inspiring men and women. With interviews from LGBT activists, legal and political authorities, university students, village leaders and even a traditional healer, "Breaking the Chains" profiles these activists as they tell this story in their own words.


Watch the documentary after the jump.

Church of the Holy Hipsters and Gays

The September 2010 issue of Details Magazine has hit the stands with a Zac Efron cover that little gay boys all of the country are drooling over. Past the cover is a feature article titled "The New Face of Faith," that highlights an up-and-coming church in the Los Angeles: Reality LA. What sets Reality apart from other churches is its young, modern, hipster congregation, which also attracts some of Hollywood's young celebrities, including Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Joe Jonas.

In addition to the young Los Angeles hipster crowd, Reality has also attracted the gays, well the "ex-gays" that is. My perception of Reality after reading this article is that the congregation is full of a bunch of young, healthy, celibate, Hollywood fashionistas, socialistas, homosexuals, etc.

Details on Gay Exorcisms

DETAILS Magazine takes on a sensitive, yet hot topic in their June 2010 issue: gay exorcisms. Matt Mcallester examines the world of reparative therapy and exorcisms in his cultural eye piece titled, "Deliverance: The True Story of a Gay Exorcism". Mcallester focuses on the ritual of exorcism that is often performed as a means of spiritually 'repairing' a person's sexual orientation.

The article is extremely well-written and certainly highlights on the psychological, physical, and spiritual harm caused by exorcism that attempt to rid a person of their homosexuality. In this article I share my own experiences of being haunted by images and reminders of the exorcism I received during my time in reparative therapy.

Linking "ex-gay" therapy and Prop 8

Since the federal trial of Proposition 8 is not be televised or released on YouTube, I am dependent on newspapers and online media outlets to fill me on what is going on in the courtroom. The Los Angeles Times released an article discussing Wednesday's (Jan 20th) events, including a testimony from an "ex-gay" survivor and a highlight of the role of religion in the Prop. 8 campaign.

The article did not, however, make the link I would have liked to seen between "ex-gay" therapy and issues of religious-sanctioned discrimination, as seen in the Prop. 8 campaign. I would like to make these comparisons based on my experiences as an "ex-gay" survivor and an individual with a history (and present) of experiencing religious-sanctioned discrimination.

Post-Thoughts on Tyra's Gay Exorcism Show

First and foremost, if you did not get a chance to see the segment, here is a link where you can see the whole episode (Click here).

I mentioned in an earlier post that there things I wanted to share in response, but was waiting for the show to air before doing so. After watching the show, I was very pleased with the editing and what made it to the air. I want to say upfront that Kamora was absolutely dynamite!! She hit on so many great points and you will need to see the show to know what I mean.

I do want to address "the prophet" though and her thoughts on her being a "prophet." First, a prophet is a person that speak truth, and the truth is, God's word says that we are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139); therefore, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer children are loved and affirmed unconditionally by God. And second, as spiritual leaders I believe that "the prophet" and "the overseer" have taken on the roles of being abusers; they have abused their status as church leaders and have committed acts of spiritual violence. I use the term "spiritual violence" because they are causing more harm than good to the souls and hearts of LGBT individuals that come into their church.

To Jeffrey: You are loved by God and you have a place in the kin-dom of God as a beautiful gay man that was fearfully and wonderfully made to be just who you are!!

My Reasons for Going Ex-Gay

As I am keeping up with blogs and posts about Bryce Faulkner and how his parents coerced him into an ex-gay program, I am beginning to reflect back on the reasons I had when I chose to enter into reparative therapy.

I am certainly around the same age as Bryce, except I in no way think that our stories are the same. But I do understand the pressures of being a dependent college student and being faced with difficult decisions.

I came to recognize my same-sex attractions during my first year of college at Azusa Pacific University. It was very confusing, and at times frightening, to recognize my same-sex attractions will being a student at Christian university. I remember having a lot of fear. Fear of being "figured out" and then kicked out of school for being gay. Fear of my parents finding out and disowning me. Fear that I would some how end up with AIDS, die, and be eternally damned to hell.

I made the decision myself to go through reparative therapy because I thought it was the best choice to make at that time; yet it was a choice nonetheless. I also made the choice to not tell my parents that I was receiving "help" for my sexual orientation. My choice lead me down a path of even more confusion, spiritual abuse, and shame. My choice to get"help" did me more harm than good.

Several years later, I am "out" and live my life as an openly gay person. But I am still asked all the time, "Why would you choose to go ex-gay?" Back then, my answer would have been something like, "Well, because I'm a Christian." Soon after that answer became, "I believed that it was sinful." After spending a lot of time processing my life experiences I have come to realize that that answer is a really "bad" answer; I might even go as far to say that it's the "wrong" answer.

Peterson Toscano wrote a blog last year titled, "The MANY reasons I went Ex-Gay." After reading his blog I began to start listing why I truly let myself make the choice to go through reparative therapy:

- I thought I would be kicked out school.
- I feared that my parents would disown me and cut me off from the rest of the family.
- Negative portrayals of LGBT people in the media and in the church.
- Fear of getting AIDS and other STDs I would get if I came out as gay.
- Wanted to get married and have a family.
- Fear of becoming promiscuous, yet lonely.
- Fear of physical violence against LGBT people.

Choices come with consequences. I've faced the consequences of making both decisions: to be ex-gay and to be ex-ex-gay. Both were not easy decisions to make. Ultimately though, I realized that my decision to go ex-gay was not because I thought it was sinful to be gay. Instead it was because of fear of the outcomes that would arise had I not chosen to do something about it. Alas, several years later I have come to realize the outcomes.

My heart does go out to Bryce and those supporting him. His decision to listen to his parents clearly was not an easy one, but a choice he did in theory make. It is unfortunate the levels of manipulation people will use to control and affect the lives of people.

Young man forced into ex-gay program

By now, many have begun to hear the story of Bryce Faulker, a college-aged young adult that was forced into an ex-gay program by his parents.

Since there is already a lot of coverage of this story, I am reposting from other blogs that have already begun discussions around this topic.

According to Waymon Hudson over at the Bilerico Project,

The request to join a new group came through my Facebook page. The group was called “Friends of Bryce“, which could have been anything, but had a note attached that said “Please Help.”

When I clicked over to the group, an all too familiar tale unfolded. Bryce Faulkner, a young gay man from Arkansas, had gone missing after his parents had discovered he was gay. They had gotten into their college-aged son’s email account and discovered messages between Bryce and his boyfriend.

The parents then gave Bryce an ultimatum- enter an extensive and severe “therapy” program or lose all their support for college and living expenses. For a young man from a conservative small town whose entire life, including his job, was tied to his parents, who had nowhere to go and no one to turn to, there really was no choice.

Bryce was sent to 14 week long conversion therapy camp and has not been heard from again.

Peterson Toscano wrote a blog post soon after that compares and contrasts Bryce's story with the similar story of Zach Stark, the young man that was forced into the Love In Action program when he was 16 years old. Zach's story caught national attention and will be shared in the upcoming documentary, "This Is What Love in Action Looks Like."

Peterson hit hard on something that I think is very important

In these cases of ex-gay coercion once someone is no longer a minor, they no longer become pure victims. Although it is difficult and terrifying to resist, if someone is over 18, they can legally say “NO! you cannot make me do this!” and as an adult, they can then live with the consequences. I understand that the financial impact of this can be huge, but not impossible to overcome, especially with the assistance of a boyfriend’s affirming parents and a community committed to taking care of each other (which I know doesn’t always happen.)

I encourage everyone to read Peterson's post, because I think he raises some great points regarding the decisions parents make and the decisions we make regarding the well-being of our lives.

My Great-Grandmother's Affirmation

Coming out is a difficult thing to do sometimes.  I remember dreading telling my parents, family, and friends, because I didn't know what to expect out of their responses and reactions.  My family was particularly difficult.  For some reason, the idea of being Latino and gay, just doesn't seem to go together in most Latin American families.

My dad was (and still is) very blinded by masculinist notions.  He grew up in a very patriarchal family and maintained a lot of those ideologies in his own personality and way of thinking.  He was definitely the last person I wanted to ever come out to.   My mom on the other hand, grew up in a very matriarchal family, but that didn't make things easier for coming out, my mom's family was also very Catholic and very believing that homosexuality was sinful.

There was one family member that I did confide in during the end of my ex-gay life and the beginnings of my coming out.  It was my great-grandmother (maternal).  My great-grandmother was born in Chihuahua, Mexico and was a very devout Catholic. She also lived for a very long, long time.  The summer I ended my ex-gay treatment and came out, was the summer that my great-grandmother passed away, but it was also the summer I came out to her.

I was very close to my great-grandmother and she was (and still is) my hero, because if there was anything she understood, it was unconditional love.

My great-grandmother was at convalescent hospital that entire summer; she was placed there after suffering from a major stroke.  I would visit her quite often, just to talk to her and to keep her company.  I started to share with her the things I was going through.  She would never respond vocally, be she would look at me and smile or squeeze my hand.

During her last few days, I decided that I was going to finally come out and say the words, "Abuelita, soy gay" (Grandmother, I'm gay).  I got a call from my parents one night telling me to get to the hospital, because her nurses said that it wouldn't be long before she would be passing on.  So I rush to the hospital and arrived there before anyone else.  As I held her hand and prayed with her, I finally spoke those three words to her.  With her last bit of strength she looked into my eyes, smiled, and pulled my hand towards her mouth to kiss it.

That moment for me was so important in my coming out process.  It was the affirmation that I needed to know that I was doing the right thing by getting out of reparative therapy.  It was the affirmation I needed to go on and to seek my own answers to what the Bible says and doesn't say about homosexuality.  It was the affirmation I needed that would give me strength and courage to tell my friends and family.

Next month will mark three years since my great-grandmother passed away, and three years since I stopped trying to suppress my God-given queer identity.

This Is What Love In Action Looks Like

June 6, 2009 is the official release date for the DVD of the documentary "This Is What Love In Action Looks Like."  The documentary recalls the story of Zach Stark, a young man whose parents forced him to attend the Love In Action residential program when he was 16 years old (in the summer of 2005).

Below is an extended preview of the documentary:

From the film's official blog:

The documentary chronicles the personal stories of those involved and their relationships with God, the world around them and themselves as this agonizingly divisive and polarizing issue unfolds. It also features an extremely surprising, and highly unlikely friendship that developed over this time period, which no one could have predicted would form.

It follows the events that led up to and sparked this story, the ongoing protests and the events that have continued since, including state investigations into LIA’s practices, a lawsuit filed by LIA against the State of Tennessee, as well as the story of the return of a former teen client of Refuge a year later to speak out against the program in a “one year anniversary protest.”

In the years since it began, with all the media coverage and investigations, Zach had declined to tell his story. Until now. The teenager whose MySpace blogs began it all gives an exclusive interview for the documentary.

My Personal Gay Christian Theme Song

I have written a few times about my wonderful experiences I had while I was in choir at Azusa Pacific University.  Music was the way I was able to process things. It was a way for me to transfer my energy and frustration into something productive and creative.  As I am studying for my final exams I have my iTunes playing in the background.  My study playlist includes not only show tunes (given) but also recordings of the Azusa Pacific Men's Chorale.

As I was listening through some of my favorite songs, I came across the song, "If Any Man Be In Christ."  It was a song I really enjoyed performing.  I actually didn't realize how gendered the song was, it was an adaptation of "If Any One Be In Christ"--changed for to accommodate an all-male choir.  But I began reflecting over the lyrics and started really feeling like this song sums up for me my own journey of being a gay Christian.

All things are made new,

For God has reconciled us

Through faith in Jesus Christ.

Our sins have been forgiven

Now we are children of light.

We are ambassadors

For Christ...

We now implore you,

We now implore in the name of Jesus.

Be reconciled,

Be reconciled to God.

At first I had to reflect on what "sin" it is that God has forgiven me of as a gay Christian.  And then it made sense:  before coming out I was truly bearing false witness to who I was and to God's creation.  I turned my back on God because 1.) I was angry that zie wouldn't "deliver me" from homosexuality, and 2.) I was ashamed that I was unable to change, I thought you couldn't be gay and be a Christian.  God forgave me for turning away and for denying the beauty of hir creation.  And once God forgave me, all things were made new.

As a gay Christian I am an ambassador.  I strive to be a living example of reconciling love and grace.  I implore other Christians in the name of Jesus to practice his teachings of love and grace.  Listen to "If Any Man Be In Christ" below.

Cultivating Our Queer Community

I am personally very excited about 2009, because I have some exciting plans in my agenda that will help transform not only communities, but myself as well.

February 13-15, I will attending the 19th Annual Western Regional LGBTQIA College Conference at the University of California, Santa Barbara.  The mission of the 2009 Western Regional LGBTQIA College Conference is to educate and empower queer youth, students, families, professionals, community members, and allies by providing an all inclusive space to dialogue about critical issues, to network with other leaders, and to mobilize our community from the ground up---all in line with their theme for this year:  "Cultivating Our Queer Community."

At the conference I will be facilitating a workshop on the ex-gay movement and the ex-gay survivor movement.  I will discuss the various reasons why some us chose ex-gay programs, potential harms, and what the LGBTQ community can do in response to reparative therapies and how to reach out to survivors and those considering going through reparative therapy.  I will draw on my own experiences and the stories of other ex-gay survivors.  I also plan to share a couple scenes from "Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House" by Peterson Toscano.

It is going to be a fantastic weekend of fellowship with other LGBTQ advocates and our allies.  I am really excited about having the opportunity to continue sharing my story with others (especially young people).  It's exhausting at times though (emotionally and physically) when we recount these events and experiences in our past, but it is also rewarding.  I encourage people to begin to share their life stories through any means of communication, whether it be through writing, video, poetry, art, etc.  You will find that these outlets are a great catharsis.

This year we should commit ourselves to sharing our stories!  At least through one way, even if that means sharing your story with a friend over coffee.  Get out there and share your story!

UPDATE:  I will also be co-facilitating an open caucus for Queer People of Color and First Generation college students.

Prayers For Bobby

This is the story of Mary Griffith, a gay rights crusader whose teenage son committed suicide because of her religious intolerance.  Based on the book of the same title by Leroy Aarons, actress Sigourney Weaver does an amazing job sharing this emotional experience through her character of Mary.

This trailer brought tears to my eyes, I can only imagine how much more powerful the film will be in it's full length.  This movie is such a great resource for parents that don't know how to handle with their LGBT child comes out to them.  The movie airs on Lifetime on January 24th, check your local listings.

Peterson Toscano: Why I went ex-gay

Recently Peterson has been reflecting on the many reasons why he chose to go "ex-gay."  He mentions that as we have these conversations about why we would choose ex-gay route, we often add depth to the conversations as we begin to go through this process of sharing.

Below is a video of Peterson sharing in his own words some of the reasons he chose to go ex-gay.

"In The Life" focuses on former ex-gays

The ex-gay movement and its survivors become the focus of the latest segment of "In The Life;" the segment draws on the stories of ex-gay survivors and faith leaders.  The Ex-Gay Survivor's Conference that was held in Irvine, California is also featured in this segment; sharing the process that many of us have gone through to begin healing the hurts and wounds that were left through our experiences in ex-gay therapy.

The segment shows a few clips of me sharing parts of my ex-gay experience.  It was recorded at a time that I was just beginning to become comfortable with sharing that part of my life with other people.  My hope was that my story would serve as a witness to the many men and women, young and old, that consider the thought that they are unholy and unworthy of God's love because they are LGBTQ.  Today, that is still my hope and goal of sharing my story, wherever that may be.  Follow the link to view the segment!

Humility or Hypocrisy?

This Saturday (November 1), TheCall ministry will occupy Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, California in prayer and fast for the “deliverance of the homosexuals.” Lou Engel will deliver a chilling message that is rooted in untruth, intolerance, and spiritual violence. I received an email last week from someone connected to TheCall; I was told that this Saturday, TheCall will extend an invitation to the “homosexuals” to come forward and they will wash our feet as an act of love and peace.

The image of Christ washing the feet of the disciples in John 13 is very moving. It is the ultimate display of love, grace, and humility—TRUE humility. After Christ washes the feet of the disciples he tells them: “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (v. 14-15). Jesus says to repeat this humble act; however, he does not say to do “what” he did but “as” he did. The disciples are to pass on the same teaching that Christ has done by conveying as he has, both in word and deed, the selfless love of God. The community Jesus has brought into being is to manifest the love of God that he has revealed through serving one another with no vestige of position or superiority.

I don’t disbelieve that Lou Engel and TheCall mean to reach out in love; although loving they have taken an abusive and spiritually violent role. They do not recognize the happiness and peace in my life and the lives of other LBGTQs, instead they seek to invalidate the faith gay and lesbian Christians have in Jesus and the journeys we have been on. Because of the messages they teach, they stand over the LGBTQ community in the position that their Christian walk and idea of sexuality are morally and spiritually superior. Their position and their messages are incongruent with the teachings of humility and selfless love because they seek to belittle the progress and journeys we have experienced as LGBTQ Christians.

Let’s LEARN what it means to be a Christian: it’s about a man who spoke love, not tolerance, but acceptance. The idea that we should “love the sinner, but hate the sin” is two-faced and spiritually violent. Let’s compare how many times the Bible attempts to discuss homosexuality to the number of times the Bible teaches us to care and love for our neighbors. Tell me about the Jesus you serve! The Jesus I know didn’t walk around saying “Oh no whore, can’t help you! I’m against prostitution!” I serve the Jesus who talks about love and grace. I understand spirituality and I understand the grace and kindness behind being selfless in my love.

Before you pull out your water basins I challenge you to look into your hearts and to look at where your actions come from. Instead, why don’t you take time to come out to our level and stand vigil with a community that advocates for love, equality, and true humility? Humble yourselves and step into our shoes to understand our journey. That is servant leadership, that is grace, and that is love.

Thanks Peterson for some guidance on this.