Affirming the Gays at Christian Colleges

On Monday, the New York Times published an article on the rising presence of pro-LGBT or queer-affirming groups on Christian college campuses. The article recalls the efforts of the Soulforce Equality Ride, a grassroots campaign that brings young adults to Christian colleges and universities across the country to engage in open and honest conversations about faith and sexuality, and how the presence of the Riders has really stirred up student involvement in talking about homosexuality on their campuses. However, as expected, these groups of students are met with resistance at their colleges.

As a past Equality Rider (2007) and a former student at an Evangelical university—that came out as openly gay while I was still a student—I find this conversation in the NY Times to be long overdue, yet still very relevant today. Through my own experiences as an out gay student at Christian college and an activist that has engaged in hundreds, if not thousands, of conversations with Christian college students about this very subject, I offer my thoughts and reflections on the subject presented in the article.

Finding Freedom and Coming Out of a Christian College

In 2007 I had the unique, but rewarding, opportunity to be a Rider on the Soulforce Equality Ride. We visited various Christian colleges and university across the country that have policies and/or environments that discriminate against LGBTQ students, faculty, and staff. Part of my interest in the Ride came from my own personal connection with Christian colleges. Prior to my involvement with Soulforce I was a student at Azusa Pacific University, one of the largest evangelical Christian universities in the country. However, after coming out as openly gay to the entire university, I was forced to make a very difficult decision: to leave the university.

When I talk about my coming out experiences, I am often asked, "What was it like to be gay at a Christian college?" And as I think about my own story and the stories I encountered from queer students on the Equality Ride, I feel inclined to reply by just simply saying, "It sucked." But if I'm going to really think about what it was like to be a gay student at a Christian college, I need to elaborate just a bit more. Granted, I can only speak from my own experiences and the stories I've heard from other LGBTQ students.

Four Years Later: National Coming Out Day

Today is National Coming Out Day and exactly 4 years ago, I worked up the courage to, not just come out of the closet, but to come out very publicly as gay to the entire university community at Azusa Pacific University, one of the largest evangelical Christian universities in the United States.

Four years later, yes my life is better, but that is not the message I want to convey to queer individuals that are struggling to break their way out of the closet today.

"The Conservative Voice " of APU Responds to Prop 8

A friend of mine lead me in the direction of a blog called, "The Conservative Voice of Azusa Pacific University: For God and Country."  Their blog post today was titled, "Clause Response: Prop 8" (The Clause is the student newspaper at Azusa Pacific).  I have been hearing responses about Prop 8 at nauseam, but this response was just so uneducated and uninformed that it was quite upsetting.

The author writes:

One of the things that undermines the logic of the anti-prop 8 people is that they don’t actually believe that everyone should be able to marry anyone they want. They don’t believe that if a man loves two women that he should marry them. If they really believe that the government must recognize everyone’s love then a brother should marry a sister and so on. Once the debate rightly turns to how should marriage be defined then the anti-prop 8 group is weakened because of the obvious nature of the social structure of marriage. To redefine the institution that families are built around (marriage) into something that has nothing to do with families is a step in the wrong direction.

The anti-prop 8 people only gain strength when they self-righteously compare themselves to the civil rights movement, something that they have no resemblance to. It should be offensive to most people to compare the idea of preserving the definition marriage to Jim Crow laws and violent racist.

The primarily purpose of marriage is the responsibility of a family. It makes a huge difference in a child’s life if you don’t have a mother or a father. I have no hatred towards homosexuals, I simply do not think my father can offer me what my mother can and vice versa. To compare this to racism truly is offensive to victims of racism.

[...]

Most people in support of prop 8 believe homosexual couples should receive equal protection under the law with civil unions. But people against prop 8 commonly say this is another case of “separate but equal”. This is not the case. The left commonly confuses sameness with equality. Like I said before at the heart of this is the roles of the mother and the father, who have equal roles but not the same roles. This is “separate but equal” as much as we have separate male and female restrooms.

I must have said the words, "Are you kidding me!?" out loud at least a dozen times when I read the post.  I would like to add a small response to their blog, just to get conversation started.

So let us think about this:  considering that we are having to court hearings and constitutional amendments and such around the topic of marriage, it is now clear that marriage is not a religious institution.  Besides if marriage was just a religious institution, then people would not be able to get married at city hall.  Also, when a couple divorces and decides to legally end their marriage, they do not go to their pastor, because obviously their marriage is a legal (or civic) institution.

Now, as a person of color, I have no problem, nor am I offended, by making comparisons between racism and the oppression of LGBTQ people.  I experience discrimination and oppression as a queer individual much in the same way that I experience discrimination as a brown-skinned individual.  Proponents of the proposition are uncomfortable with linking the two because that would mean that if they are anti-gay rights, then that would mean that they are same level as racists.  And who would want to compared to a racist?

My last point:  if you want to make this an issue of religion, that's fine, I can go that route too. I am sorry that you may think otherwise, but I have a religious right to marriage!!  Not only is Prop 8 a violation of my human rights, but it is also a violation of my religious liberties.  My faith in God and my relationship and journey with Jesus affirms same-sex marriage!  And as Americans we uphold that we have the right to religion; many evangelicals will make sure that they are fully exercising that right.  Well, I too exercise that right, because as a Christian, I know that God loves and affirms LGBTQ individuals and celebrates our relationships!

The other posts at this blog are also rather depressing and the arguments are not cogent and are completely bizarre.  But this response goes out to not just this blog post, but to all proponents of Prop 8.  My heart goes out to the proponents though, because just as Christ said, "Father, forgive them, for they not know what they do" (Luke 23:34).

Unlikely Disciple: Undercover at a Christian College

I came across an article at CampusProgress.org about a student from Brown University, who went undercover at Liberty University to conduct a field study of Christian colleges.  Kevin Roose (the student), then wrote a book about his experiences at Liberty.  Roose talks about Christian education, conservative Christian views on homosexuality, and why the "God divide" is overblown.

The book is "The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner's Semester at America's Holiest University;" naturally, I was intrigued by the book, given the topic being discussed. Being a former student of a Christian university, I am very interested in reading about Roose's experiences.  I haven't read the whole book yet, I have only been able to read some excerpts.  My actual book copy was just ordered from Amazon.

An editorial review from Booklist reports:

Brown University student Roose didn’t think of himself as being particularly religious, yet he conceived the novel idea of enrolling at Liberty University, the school Jerry Falwell built, thereby transferring from a school “a notch or two above Sodom and Gomorrah” to the evangelical equivalent of Notre Dame or Brigham Young. His reasons were logical, though curious. To him, a semester at Liberty was like studying abroad. “Here, right in my time zone, was a culture more foreign to me than any European capital.” He tells his story entertainingly, as a matter of trying to blend in and not draw too much attention to himself. One hardened habit he had to break was cursing; he even bought a Christian self-help book to tame his tongue. Throughout his time at Liberty, he stayed level-headed, nuanced, keenly observant. He meant to find some gray in the black-and-white world of evangelicalism, and he learned a few things. His stint at Liberty hardly changed the world but did alter his way at looking at it. That’s a start.

I think this book is going to be a great read.  I expect that the author is going to be very honest about his feelings and his emotions.  When he arrived at Liberty, many of the students asked him why he left Brown.  He responded that he wanted to know what it was like to go to a Christian college.  And it's true.  After I read the book I hope to compare and contrast his experiences to my own.

My Personal Gay Christian Theme Song

I have written a few times about my wonderful experiences I had while I was in choir at Azusa Pacific University.  Music was the way I was able to process things. It was a way for me to transfer my energy and frustration into something productive and creative.  As I am studying for my final exams I have my iTunes playing in the background.  My study playlist includes not only show tunes (given) but also recordings of the Azusa Pacific Men's Chorale.

As I was listening through some of my favorite songs, I came across the song, "If Any Man Be In Christ."  It was a song I really enjoyed performing.  I actually didn't realize how gendered the song was, it was an adaptation of "If Any One Be In Christ"--changed for to accommodate an all-male choir.  But I began reflecting over the lyrics and started really feeling like this song sums up for me my own journey of being a gay Christian.

All things are made new,

For God has reconciled us

Through faith in Jesus Christ.

Our sins have been forgiven

Now we are children of light.

We are ambassadors

For Christ...

We now implore you,

We now implore in the name of Jesus.

Be reconciled,

Be reconciled to God.

At first I had to reflect on what "sin" it is that God has forgiven me of as a gay Christian.  And then it made sense:  before coming out I was truly bearing false witness to who I was and to God's creation.  I turned my back on God because 1.) I was angry that zie wouldn't "deliver me" from homosexuality, and 2.) I was ashamed that I was unable to change, I thought you couldn't be gay and be a Christian.  God forgave me for turning away and for denying the beauty of hir creation.  And once God forgave me, all things were made new.

As a gay Christian I am an ambassador.  I strive to be a living example of reconciling love and grace.  I implore other Christians in the name of Jesus to practice his teachings of love and grace.  Listen to "If Any Man Be In Christ" below.

ManBQ: Overcooking Gender Roles

One of the wonderful things about Facebook is newsfeed, it's like the gossip column of the 21st century in my opinion.  Through the newsfeed on Facebook I became aware of an event that several of my Facebook friends from Azusa Pacific University will be attending, "ManBQ."

Attention all MEN, we're hosting a BBQ this Wednesday night! Come to Trinity lawn for some free CARNE ASADA, conversation, and a chance to talk about Godly sexuality and manhood.  Author Jack Balswick, who spoke in chapel last year, will be sharing his thoughts. The conversation will be candid and you will be able to ask questions. Come out for free food and a great chance to talk about what it means to be a MAN. [Emphasis in original].

Besides being annoyed by the over-masculinized and patriarchal tone of the description, my attention was drawn to the discussion about Godly sexuality and the presence of Jack Balswick.  As I mentioned in my "True Love Waits" post, most discussions about sexuality in evangelical settings are usually misleading and in my opinion, don't offer any valuable advice.  Since this discussion will be within the context of "manhood," I can only imagine how misleading their discussion will be.  When I was a student at Azusa Pacific, I remember discussions about manliness being very depressing.  Often it was a group of guys trying to reassert and reaffirm their masculinity by discussing how they were different than women.  A lot of emphasis was placed on strength and how we were to assert our God-given strength, etc.  I never felt that I could identify with the masculine image that was being presented.  Although I would try and in the end feel like I was a hopeless little nelly.

This discussion will be aided by Jack Balswick, a sociologist from Fuller Theological Seminary that focuses on marriage and family.  The issue of homosexuality is rather troublesome for Balswick, considering his commitment to belief that the Bible is an authoritative text.  He accepts Fuller's strong commitment to heterosexual marriage but at the same time wants to avoid anything that resembles gay-bashing.  The result is language like this, from the book Authentic Human Sexuality: An Integrated Christian Approach (1999):

We acknowledge that some gay Christians may choose to commit themselves to a lifelong, monogamous homosexual union, believing this is God's best for them. They believe that this reflects an authentic sexuality that is congruent for them and their view of Scripture. Even though we hold to the model of a heterosexual, lifelong, monogamous union, our compassion brings us to support all persons as they move in the direction of God's ideal for their lives.

Thus, Balswick has developed a very "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy when it comes to homosexuality; go figure, so has APU and most other Christian colleges and universities.  But I wonder then how Balswick will approach this discussion about Godly sexuality and manhood; Jack and his wife co-author their books together, and they often discuss modern gender roles and lean towards shared roles in some parts, so I wonder if that progressive belief will fit well with a discussion about manhood.

My challenge to my colleagues at Azusa Pacific is to step back from what you think makes you manly, or trying to affirm your masculinity.  Instead affirm just your individuality.  When we try to define what is manly and what is manhood, we create boundaries.  And when someone doesn't fit that definition they are thrown into an identity crisis because they realize that they are out of bounds.  Let us remember that gender roles are socially constructed; therefore, each of us get to decide what it means to be a man or a woman for ourselves.  

We Are Not Alone

When I was being trained in nonviolent resistance I was reminded that it is always nice to have something in your head and heart to fall back on, whether it be a verse, a quote, or even a song.  I kept that advice with me as I began the Equality Ride in 2007 and I continue to keep it with me everyday.

This past weekend thousands of people across the nation who believe in equality and justice took their voices to the streets.  I was in San Diego, California where I marched with over 20,000 people to the County Administration Building.  On our route we passed a handful of counter protesters who wanted to continue delivering a message of untruth and intolerance.  I naturally began singing to myself the song that I have kept in my head and my heart over the past two years of my life.

I encountered this song while in choir at Azusa Pacific University.  The name of the song is "We Are Not Alone," written by Pepper Choplin.  I remember when I first sang this song at Azusa Pacific that this song would mean more to me in the long run, and it has.

We are not alone

We are not alone

God is with us

We are not alone

We are never alone

We are not alone, for God is with us

...God will make us strong

For God is with us

We will press on

For God is with us.

We are not alone

As I march down those streets I know that we are not alone and we will never be alone.  We are guided by the soul force of love, equality, and peace.  Let us not forget to keep these words in our hearts and continue to march forward.  Listen to "We Are Not Alone" below.

Nostaligia

It has been a while since I've posted, but that's been intentional. I often find that I'm the type of person that takes on more than they handle all at once. For the past couple of weeks, I've been working on getting major items off checked off my to-do list.

I spent this past weekend at Azusa Pacific University with my best friends. Being on-campus all weekend definitely made me feel a variety of emotions. I've been to APU on short little visits, just to say "Hi," but never to actually stay an entire weekend. I had an amazing time with my friends, it really felt good to get away from Merced and to be surrounded by some of the people that mean the most to me. But the entire time I was there, I couldn't get over the butterflies that were in my stomach of being back at APU. It felt like a thousand eyes were watching me at once and whispering, "He's the one..." When I gave my name for my coffee order at Starbucks, the barista replied, "You're famous." That was awkward. But perhaps the most awkward was when people asked if went there and I gave the open-ended response of, "I used to." Part of me was afraid to say anymore.

By the end of the weekend, APU once again felt like my home though. It was like the good ol' days of going to my friends' apartment and laying around being random and silly. I truly mean it when I say I miss what I had while at APU.

But on a different note:

This Thursday (March 6), Vince and I will be the guest speakers at a film screening here in Merced. The film is "Tying the Knot," which will focus on the inequality of marriage. Following the film will be us, we will be sharing our ex-gay experiences, experiences with activism, etc.

For those of you in the area:
Merced College, Room V-140
Thursday Night, March 6
7:00pm-9:00pm

I will post a review of how everything goes down. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We are a little nervous about this one, as Merced as a reputation of breeding some "interesting" people.

The Choir Boy

I know it's very cliché and fits the stereotype, but I was a choir boy--and plan to still be one, once I'm back in school again. I've been in choral groups for the longest time, I did gospel choir in high school and of course my church's choir. During my preview weekend at Azusa Pacific University I fell in love with the Men's Chorale. A choir composed of over 70 amazingly talented men (let's do our best here to put aside stereotypes and preconceived thoughts, after all, it is a Christian university). A lot of these guys were like brothers to me. They were awesome, I just can't explain it. For those of you who are or have been in music groups understand what I mean when I say it was like family.

Our repertoire was rather classical, but sounded amazing. Our 70+ voices performed choral literature, Gospel songs, modern arrangements of traditional spirituals, contemporary Christian music, and newly commissioned pieces by contemporary composers.

A lot of our songs really touched me: "Jesus Paid It All;" "If Any Man Be In Christ;" "Grace" (Amazing Grace arrangment)....

Well the song that I absolutely loved and that EVERYONE loved was "Revelation 19." To read the scripture just visit here. But please listen to the song here:

Azusa Pacific University - Men's Chorale

I admit that for a while the song was beautiful to me just for the mere fact that it was music and was beautifully arranged. The words were just words. Today I listen to the song and I am brought to tears for many reasons. One being that I really miss singing with these guys. But moreso, I finally understand the song. As a Christian I often say, "God is amazing!" But now looking back at my life and what I've been through and how I have found comfort in God, I really know why He is amazing now. I can't explain it. But I feel like there is nothing I can do or say that will give justice to how amazing I feel God is right now.