A New Type of Cultural Immersion

I just recently moved into my apartment at the University of California, Santa Barbara.  My apartments I live in have 4 students assigned to a 2 bedroom apartment.  After I got my roommate assignments, I quickly noticed that I was the only one in the apartment that wasn't heterosexual.

It has been 2 years since I have lived with straight roommate, that experience was very interesting for the both of us (considering he was living with two gay roommates).  It has been 3 years since I've lived with a straight person I don't know, except 3 years ago, I wasn't out of the closet and for some of the time I was oblivious to my same-gender attractions.

But now here I am, I'm out, I've been through so many life experiences since then.  I'm a huge advocate for social justice for LGBT people, and I'm living with 3 heterosexual males.  I have to admit that I was very nervous at first, I still am in fact.  Of what?  That's what I'm not sure about.  I guess that I want my apartment to be a safe place for me and perhaps nervous that by living with 3 straight roommates that's not possible.  Wonderfully, I have no complaints about my roommates though.

I haven't taken it upon myself to come out to them though.  Part of me feels that it might be unnecessary, since most people can just sort of figure that out after 10 minutes of talking with me.  Plus, if they glance at my book collection, or see the rainbow stole I have in my room, they might just get it on their own.  But I also feel it's unnecessary, because I want them to get to know me as just Vincent, as opposed to Vincent the Gay.

As much as I want them to learn more about the LGBTQ community, by experiencing living with a gay student, I feel that in this scenario, I think I will be the one that will be learning more.  I admit that I have had some preconceived notions about heterosexual men.  I know that's not fair at all.  I have many ally friends that are guys.  But naturally, that's what came to my mind first.  The thoughts that they are gonna see me as less than a man, or that they are secretly homophobic, or something to that extent.  By living with these guys, I hope that I learn enough about them and they can learn enough about me, so that I can continue to bridge this gap of awkwardness and resistance between the straight and LGBTQ communities.

I really do need some prayer support though.  It's going to be a journey.

I Have the Only Women's Voice in My Family

At a family barbecue today, I learned why politics are to never be discussed at the dinner table. My father, being a native of Mexico, voiced that he is glad that Hillary Clinton won't receive the candidacy for President of the United States of America. His supporting argument: just because she is a woman. There were no other supporting reasons. Now who I support for the presidency of the United States of America is really irrelevant here, since his only argument is guilty of a fallacy that attacks the character of Clinton (being that she's a woman).

It shocked my father and the women in my family to hear me speak up and say that is unacceptable and wrong to undervalue and discriminate against a person based on their gender. Furthermore, that I personally believe that women are the superior gender (but that was just a personal opinion).

My father reassured me that he was right and that "man-to-man" I just to need see this from a man's point of view. That nearly sent me off the edge. I cordially responded in Spanish, "No Dad, that's the problem. We need to start looking at these issues from a gender neutral perspective, because if we continue to allow patriarchy to dictate our society, we will only be moving backwards. And with respect towards you as my father, please respectfully never talk to me 'man-to-man.'"

I then began to have to rebut misconceptions and really insults that he had about women: women being weak, not as intelligent, too soft, etc. All my responses had support and I sincerely wanted everyone to understand that it is not okay to continue undervaluing women and setting them in a category that makes them "less than."

It got me thinking that patriarchy tends to still dictate many communities, including Latin and Hispanic America. Many of the women in my family still stay at home to care for the children, clean up, and cook for their husbands. I have no objection to women who make the decision to be homemakers, but most of the women in family that do this, do it against their own will. All too often, Latina women are not given a voice. They accept this out this out of tradition and out of fear.

I join along with other Latina and Hispanic women that have began the feminist movement within Latin and Hispanic America. Women like Sor Juana de la Cruz, Gloria Anzaldua, and Ana Nieto Gomez. I leave you with a poem in Spanish by Sor Juana de la Cruz, "Las Redondillas":

Hombres necios que acusáis
a la mujer sin razón,
sin ver que sois la ocasión
de lo mismo que culpáis.

Si con ansia sin igual
solicitáis su desdén,
¿por qué queréis que obren bien
si las incitáis al mal?

Combatís su resistencia
y luego, con gravedad,
decís que fue liviandad
lo que hizo la diligencia.

Parecer quiere el denuedo
de vuestro parecer loco,
al niño que pone el coco
y luego le tiene miedo.

Queréis, con presunción necia,
hallar a la que buscáis
para, pretendida, Tais;
en la posesión, Lucrecia.

¿Qué humor puede ser más raro
que el que, falto de consejo,
él mismo empaña el espejo
y siente que no esté claro?

Con el favor y el desdén
tenéis condición igual:
quejándoos si os tratan mal;
burlándoos, si os quieren bien.

Opinión ninguna gana,
pues la que más se recata,
si no os admite, es ingrata,
y si os admite, es liviana.

Siempre tan necios andáis,
que, con desigual nivel,
a una culpáis por cruel
a otra por fácil culpáis.

¿Pues cómo ha de estar templada
la que vuestro amor pretende,
si la que es ingrata ofende
y la que es fácil enfada?

Mas entre el enfado y la pena
que vuestro gusto refiere,
bien haya la que no os quiere,
y quejaos enhorabuena.

Dan vuestras amantes penas
a sus libertades alas,
y después de hacerlas malas
las queréis hallar muy buenas.

¿Cuál mayor culpa ha tenido
en una pasión errada:
la que cae de rogada
o el que ruega de caído?

¿O cuál es más de culpar
aunque cualquiera mal haga:
la que peca por la paga
o el que paga por pecar?

¿Pues para qué os espantáis
de la culpa que tenéis?
Queredlas cual las hacéis
o hacedlas cual las buscáis.

Dejad de solicitar,
y después, con más razón,
acusaréis de afición
de la que os fuere a rogar.

Bien con muchas armas fundo
que lidia vuestra arrogancia,
pues en promesas e instancia
juntáis diablo, carne y mundo.

Pride Within Myself

Beyond Masculinity

What does it mean to be a queer man?

Beyond Masculinity is a groundbreaking collection of 20 smart, insightful essays from a diverse group of writers that all tackle this question. All published online and available anywhere in the world, 24/7, for free. Readers will find a tremendously diverse group of queer men thoughtfully reflecting on their experiences--and using those experiences to build powerful analyses of their social worlds,

including:

• Qwo-Li Driskill’s “Shaking Our Shells: Cherokee Two-Spirits Rebalancing Our World”: A poetic plea for Native American Two-Spirit peoples to search for their histories and become leaders in their communities

• Brian Lobel’s “Penis. Vagina. Penetration. The End”: A hilarious and moving recounting of the author’s quest to lose his virginity to a woman before a surgery to remove a cancerous tumor that threatens to leave him unable to ejaculate ever again

• Rob Day-Walker, “Jesus of San Francisco: Can Jesus be a Resource for Queer Masculinities?: A careful dissection of Biblical scripture, set against his own experiences as a Christian gay man, in search of a Jesus that is feminist and decidedly queer

• Daniel Solís y Martínez’s “Mestiza/o Gender: Notes Towards a Transformative Masculinity”: A brilliant attempt to understand how to build a queer identity that incorporates both his Latino/a heritage and Western ideas about homosexuality
  

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. From an 80-year old gay man’s reflections on living life “between” male and female (Autrey’s “Somewhere in Between”), to a transgender man’s plea for bottoms to please (Macey’s “Top to Bottom”), Beyond Masculinity collectively breaks through the typical and boldly describes a resilient, challenging understanding of being a queer man in the 21st century.

Beyond Masculinity isn’t your traditional anthology. Readers become listeners when they subscribe on iTunes and download essays recorded as podcasts. Built using blogging software, anyone can log on anywhere in the world and comment directly on the essays. In short, not only does this project break topical ground, but it also explores the potential power of the Internet to provide new tools for sparking smart dialogue on sexuality and gender.

I was able to identify with many of the essays, as I saw parts of my journey in these life stories and experiences.  I know many of you will discover the same thing.

Justice Alliance Merced Concert