No Fems!

"20 year old gay Latino seeks straight-acting (no fems!) white or latino gay/bi guy..."

I know that I am not the only person that has seen this over and over again. But am I the only person that doesn't know what a "straight-acting" gay guy is? Sounds sort of like an oxymoron to me. How does a homosexual act straight? Does he have sex with women? In theory, there is no such thing.

Unfortunately though, many of friends often seek out these so-called "straight-acting" gays. So what are they are doing here? I know what they mean when they say it: they are seeking a masculine guy. But by calling masculine guys "straight-acting" they are asserting that masculinity is only a heterosexual trait. Sadly, they are also feeding into the stereotypical belief that gay men are feminine. Thus lumping together gender expression and sexual orientation. A common mistake that is happening more and more with many recent homosexuals. But why is that? Why are they after the "straight-acting" gays/bisexuals?

Talking with many of my friends who seek these type of guys, they often want a man that is an unnoticeable-gay or a deceiving guy, you know the ones where you have to question it and not be sure (coming back to the gender thing again). Many of my friends aren't "out;" therefore, if they aren't with a stereotypical guy and they are seen in public, they are less likely to be outed. Because if they were with a feminine guy, then preconceived notions about feminine guys will enter the minds of others and draw them to the conclusion that they are a gay couple.

This seems to be my latest frustration. I am doing my best to address this issue as it arises, but it either seems like they don't get it, or they don't want to understand. How do I break these misunderstandings?