True Love Waits

I am currently finishing up a book by Heather Hendershot titled, Shaking The World For Jesus: Media and Conservative Evangelical Culture.  In this book Hendershot looks at the "center" of conservative evangelical culture, primarily though the white middle-class.  This is an excellent book to read especially if you've grown up in an evangelical setting like I have.  The book is divided into three sections; the first section discusses the "commodification" part of evangelical culture, such as Christian cultural products, films, shows, and contemporary Christian music.  The second section discusses sexuality, a very interesting that I want to talk about.  In the first chapter of this section, Hendershot discusses the chastity movement within evangelical culture, such as the True Love Waits campaign.  And the second chapter of the section examines the Cathedral of Hope, the world's largest LGBTQ church, as well as focusing on ex-gay survivors that are still Christians and how they have reconciled their faith with their sexual orientation after having experienced reparative therapy.

Hendershot raises a very important issue through this section of her book: sexuality, when discussed in evangelical media, is very one-sided.  Discussions about marriage, chastity, and sexual control remain reserved only for heterosexual Christians, while mainstream Christian videos, books, and magazines reject LGBTQ Christians.

During my high school years, I remember reading the upcoming topics in the bulletin that would be coming up in youth group.  The topic of "Sex" would usually catch my eye, as it did for the other hormonal teenagers.  It was always an interesting topic and it was addressed in different ways throughout my four years of high school.  Sometimes they would separate the boys and girls, other times we would remain together by on different sides of the room, and I think one time we were able to intermingle.  We were reminded that our bodies are temples and they are sacred, etc.  Also that sex is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing, that God gives us so we can experience it ONLY when we are married.  High school did a better job talking about sex than college did for me--in college the guys were they were out of control horny pigs and women fear us for that reason.

One year, if I remember correctly it was my junior year, we were presented with True Love Wait commitment cards!  These cards were a contract between us and God that committed us to abstinence until marriage.  The direct lines on the card were:

Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.

We were also to choose an accountability partner that we could turn to if we were feeling tempted; however, my accountability partner did not do a very good job keeping me accountable...

This contract I made with God served many problems for me.  I was to abstain from sexual activity "until the day I enter a biblical marriage."  Although some of my youth pastors never explicitly talked about homosexuality being sinful during youth group services, they certainly placed a lot of emphasis on what the Bible said about marriage.  They always discussed the nuclear model for marriage and there was no other alternative.  Part of my difficulty accepting my queer identity was due to my desire to want to get married and have a family.  Unfortunately the family portrait that was painted for me did not include two dads.

As Valentine's Day is approaching I can only imagine how many youth groups will be having their sex talks with their students.  I can only imagine how many True Love Waits cards will be signed.  In a way, I can support the idea of sexual abstinence until one enters into marriage or a committed partnership--the safest sex is no sex after all.  However, I cannot support a one-sided message.  It is not okay for LGBTQ youth to have feel like they're outsiders when evangelical chastity media comes out.  It is also not okay for LGBTQ youth to not be presented with the option to have a beautiful family with whomever they choose to be their partner.  True love knows no gender.