Talking about Gay-Related Suicides

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) individuals have been shaken up and upset by the continuing reports of young people taking their lives because homophobic bullying and an inability to affirm themselves as queer individuals. The reported number of incidents over the past weeks is up to seven, although I am sure the actual number of gay-related suicides is much higher, just unreported. The LGBTQ community is saddened and seemingly shocked by the rising number of reported incidents.

However, this is the continuation of an old trend—just never reported before in this detail. LGBTQ youth have been committing suicide for years. The good aspect of these is that at least they are being reported now. Although, many wonder about what will be done to help queer youth survive adolescence.


Many of us are asking, where are the major voices amidst this crisis and why aren’t they responding? LGBTQ advocates are waiting for an action plan from organizations like the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN), the Gay and Lesbian Task Force, or even from President Obama himself. Ellen DeGeneres put out a heartfelt video that speaks directly to LGBTQ that are hurting. Dan Savage launched a YouTube campaign to instill in young people the message that “it gets better.” We can count on Ellen and Savage to step up to the plate when the others won’t. But why aren’t HRC, GLSEN, and the President talking about this growing tragedy? My response is, they don’t have the language to. Should that continue to enable their silence? Not necessarily. But it allows us to understand where their voices are (or not, even).

It is fair to say that most Americans are not equipped with the vocabulary to talk about issues relating to suicide and violence against young people. This lack of vocabulary stems from an uncomfortableness with violence and tragedy. Since most people are not willing to step out of their comfort zones, it results in silence around issues that really matter.

Gay-related suicides due to bullying, religious condemnation, etc., have gone unreported for a long time. The media, however, is breaking the silence with the recent uproar of reported suicide incidents among LGBTQ youth—forcing the American people to talk about a pertinent issue. I would like to describe the media’s process of getting people to talk as “critical witnessing.”

If stories of violence are untold, they remain unheard, and a defining part of our lives unknown. The stories heard provide a critically urgent space that mentor those that listen and incite a response on the part of the listener. The media essentially positions Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas, and the many others that tragically ended their lives, as critical witnesses. Their stories are an indictment against homophobia and other forms of violence against young people and thus helps us build a language to talk about youth violence and suicide.

The plan of action against this rising issue has to come from the people, rather than the major LGBTQ organizations and the President. Through the process of critical witnessing we, along with Ellen and Dan Savage, become social parents. These stories of trauma and violence generate a moral obligation to respond when we see our ‘children’ hurting. We can speak and rise up when our leaders won’t.