Sodom and Gomorrah

The Story of Sodom and Gomorrah has been used and overused to condemn homosexuality in the Church.  It is surprising actually that it still used today by many Christians, when many theologians have agreed that the Story of Sodom and Gomorrah isn't really a story about sexuality.  But it still comes up as an argument against homosexuality, so I decided to share my two cents...

Sodom was not about sex. And if it were, it still really wouldn’t be about sex.

Sodom's sins range from inhospitality and opulence to adultery and strengthening the hand of evil.

Ezekiel 16:48-49 says that the sins of these two cities are said to be excess of wealth, failure to provide for the poor, and inhospitality. The materialistic nature of the residents of Sodom and Gomorrah is exemplified by what happened to Lot’s wife. She looked back at the city, longing for the possessions she had left behind. Consequently, she was petrified, or turned into a pillar of salt as the story goes.

Isaiah 19:13 compares Sodom and Gomorrah to Babylon, the glory of kingdoms, thus making ungodly pride the crux of their immorality.

Deuteronomy 29:23 mentions that Admah and Zeboiim were also destroyed due to God’s wrath. The account of Sodom and Gomorrah is important in that it introduces Israel’s rival relatives from across the Jordan and east of the Dead Sea. The children born of the incestuous rape of Lot are Moab, which means ‘son of my father’, and Ben-Ammi or Ammon, which means son of my kin. The tribes born of them were constantly in conflict with the Israelites. Zephaniah 2:9 compares Moab (Moabites) to Sodom and Ammon (Ammonites) to Gomorrah. Thus, important historical context and genealogical reference was provided by the often misunderstood account of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Genesis 14:8-11 – Defeated warring nations included Sodom and Gomorrah.

Genesis 18:33 – Clearly, homosexuals did not comprise two entire towns. God promises Abraham that he would spare the city on account of ten righteous souls – not heterosexual.

Genesis 19:1 – Sodom was a gated community.

Genesis 19:3 – Lot presses the Angels strongly to sojourn with him because he saw their staying the night in a public location as a precarious risk.

Genesis 19:8 – “They have come under the shadow of my roof.”
Lot was charged with the protection of the angel messengers.

Matthew 10:13-15 – Jesus referred to Sodom and Gomorrah. His focus, however, was on how to deal with inhospitality. If his disciples were not welcomed as guests, despite being strangers, they were to shake the dust off of their feet. He continued to say that the punishment for those who rejected them would be worse than it was for Sodom and Gomorrah.

Furthermore, there are several linguistic inconsistencies when dealing with the Sodom and Gomorrah story.

Implication of Sexual Sins:

In Jude 1:7, fornication and the desiring of “strange flesh” is mentioned as the sin of Sodom.

With that in mind, there are several important facts to consider:

• The angels with whom the men wanted to fornicate were not human.
• Sexual intimacy between humans and angels was condemned earlier in the Genesis. Prior to the great deluge, spirit creatures took corporeal form to have sexual relations with people. The result was a race of genetic hybrids that terrorized the human population.
• If fornication is implied, the men of the city wanted to forcibly know the angels, or gang-rape them. Rape is a violent crime that has little to do with loving expression and does not reflect sexual orientation or identity. Genesis 19:9
• But fornication clearly was not the core of their iniquity. Lot later had sex with his daughters while intoxicated after being spared by God.
• According to Genesis 19:8, Lot offered his virgin daughters to the crowd, possibly as valuable sacrifices.
• The men of Sodom and Gomorrah believed the angels to be spies. Their greed and their selfish concern with their wealth led to such thoughts. Therefore, their inhospitality and deviant intentions were fueled by greed.
• And finally, the term heterosexual is derived from the term Greek sarkos heteras, which has been translated into strange flesh, perversion, and unnatural lust.

The Men of the City

The word ‘enowsh is used in Genesis 19:4, and is the first reference to the ‘men’ of the city. In actuality, it refers to any mortal in general. The following sentence says ‘even the men of the city’, specifically referring to the masculine gender. In verse 5, Sodom residents ask for the ‘enowsh so that they may know them.

And in verse 8 when describing his daughters as virgins, Lot uses the more definite ‘iysh to refer to men.

Knowing "To Know"

The Hebrew word yada, used to suggest a desire to know the men sexually, appears 943 times in the Hebrew text. All but 11 were used in the sense of literally becoming acquainted with strangers. 10 of those 11 times were used in clear reference to heterosexual sex. The word shakab more vividly and specifically denotes sexual relations.

(Thanks Jarrett)

On the Verge of a Christian State

There is always a bittersweet feeling I get inside when I go visit my parents.  It's not so much a result of my parents, but the city in which I go visit them.  Merced is definitely not a very liberal part of California.  In fact, the county voted 71% in favor of Proposition 8.  So going to Merced is always eventful since I am the one of the most "out" gays in the city--I've been on the front page of their newspaper several times already.  Driving through town with my "No On 8" bumper sticker usually attracts reactions, occasional dirty looks, and of course, the yelling of the word "fag."  All of which I have learned to respond to in a healthy non-violent way.

This past Thanksgiving was no different when I went to Merced to be with my family for the holiday.  People honked at our car, I could see people stop to stare in parking lots, etc.  Well after a very stuffing Thanksgiving dinner my partner and I took a walk.  It was saddening that people stared in disgust as we held hands, but we held ourselves well.  As we continued our walk we found something that had left us speechless.  It wasn't the dirty looks.  It was a fence that had been tagged with spray paint.  In bold white letters, "Romans 1:27" was displayed on the fence.  I was speechless because I was not expecting a fence to have such a verse on it.  The fence didn't belong to a certain house or was facing anything really of significance.  But there it was in plain view for anyone to see who was walking by.  I was filled with many emotions. I was sad, angry, even ashamed.  I wanted to respond to this fence.  I wanted to add affirmation, but I really didn't know how to.  I wanted to spray paint Ephesians 4:2-6 over it, but with my luck I would have gotten busted for vandalism--it would have been worth it in my opinion.  I will actually be sending in an Op-Ed to the local newspaper as a response to the fence though.

But why was it written in the first place?  Of all the verses to put up why this one?  I admit it was a better selection than Leviticus 18:22, since Leviticus is often overused.  But are we at a point now in society where we begin to post religious "laws" in public in order to condemn people?  Are we on the verge of a Christian state?  The cult of persecution is dominating in our culture.  Not to go off on a slippery slope fallacy, but what's next?  Curfews, executions of the homosexuals and the artistic, and the subjugation of women again?  It is the messages of untruth and intolerance and persecution that we need to stand up against.  It starts with a fence, but lets make sure lives don't end up ending on a fence.  Let action begin.  The abuse and misuse of scriptures hurt people, so share what these scriptures have done and what they do in your lives.

We Are Not Alone

When I was being trained in nonviolent resistance I was reminded that it is always nice to have something in your head and heart to fall back on, whether it be a verse, a quote, or even a song.  I kept that advice with me as I began the Equality Ride in 2007 and I continue to keep it with me everyday.

This past weekend thousands of people across the nation who believe in equality and justice took their voices to the streets.  I was in San Diego, California where I marched with over 20,000 people to the County Administration Building.  On our route we passed a handful of counter protesters who wanted to continue delivering a message of untruth and intolerance.  I naturally began singing to myself the song that I have kept in my head and my heart over the past two years of my life.

I encountered this song while in choir at Azusa Pacific University.  The name of the song is "We Are Not Alone," written by Pepper Choplin.  I remember when I first sang this song at Azusa Pacific that this song would mean more to me in the long run, and it has.

We are not alone

We are not alone

God is with us

We are not alone

We are never alone

We are not alone, for God is with us

...God will make us strong

For God is with us

We will press on

For God is with us.

We are not alone

As I march down those streets I know that we are not alone and we will never be alone.  We are guided by the soul force of love, equality, and peace.  Let us not forget to keep these words in our hearts and continue to march forward.  Listen to "We Are Not Alone" below.

Response to Proposition 8

Like many Californians I am heartbroken and devastated by the passage of Proposition 8.  It is unfortunate and despairing that millions of voters agreed to enforcing discrimination, hate, and intolerance.  The passage of Prop 8 has taken a tremendous toll on my heart and the hearts of many others.

But despite my pain I am not taking a passive position; however, I am also not taking the position of aggressor.  I may be hurt and upset but above anything else I have class and heart of love.  It is unfortunate that millions of voters don't understand the true meaning of selfless love, love without reservations, and love that does no harm--but I do.

I respond to my adversaries in the way they couldn't respond me:  through love and grace.  I am reminded by Christ in Matthew 5:44 to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."  A task that is certainly difficult in a time of pain and defeat, but we must try.  Because if we don't then we achieve nothing.  As Gandhi once said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

As a country we have overcome injustice time and time again and this time we will certainly overcome again.  Let us not be discouraged but rise as a community in true solidarity and we will repeal injustice and discrimination. 

Straight Allies Supporting Marriage Equality

Today being a very important day in American history (and Californian for that matter), I thought I would share some words and thoughts of a person who is very close to me.  My former youth pastor Jay has been a person that I have been able to come to and share my story with and know that I am going to be embraced with love and grace.  Jay is committed to understanding the love and grace behind spirituality by being a living example of that.  Today Jay voted against Proposition 8, here are some of his words and thoughts from his blog:

Gay marriage is another evolution of this fluid institution. Instead of rejecting a healthy and committed expression of love toward the another (singular), we ought to be embracing the decision and desire of homosexual men and woman to join into and make their own “moral expressions” of commitment to one another. Gay marriage is something to be celebrated and something to give thanks unto God for. I believe it is a beautiful thing for people to make moral commitments to one another, and for the Church to embrace, through active grace, those decisions.

That’s why I voted NO on PROPOSITION 8.  Read Jay's blog here.

I love you brother!

Humility or Hypocrisy?

This Saturday (November 1), TheCall ministry will occupy Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, California in prayer and fast for the “deliverance of the homosexuals.” Lou Engel will deliver a chilling message that is rooted in untruth, intolerance, and spiritual violence. I received an email last week from someone connected to TheCall; I was told that this Saturday, TheCall will extend an invitation to the “homosexuals” to come forward and they will wash our feet as an act of love and peace.

The image of Christ washing the feet of the disciples in John 13 is very moving. It is the ultimate display of love, grace, and humility—TRUE humility. After Christ washes the feet of the disciples he tells them: “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (v. 14-15). Jesus says to repeat this humble act; however, he does not say to do “what” he did but “as” he did. The disciples are to pass on the same teaching that Christ has done by conveying as he has, both in word and deed, the selfless love of God. The community Jesus has brought into being is to manifest the love of God that he has revealed through serving one another with no vestige of position or superiority.

I don’t disbelieve that Lou Engel and TheCall mean to reach out in love; although loving they have taken an abusive and spiritually violent role. They do not recognize the happiness and peace in my life and the lives of other LBGTQs, instead they seek to invalidate the faith gay and lesbian Christians have in Jesus and the journeys we have been on. Because of the messages they teach, they stand over the LGBTQ community in the position that their Christian walk and idea of sexuality are morally and spiritually superior. Their position and their messages are incongruent with the teachings of humility and selfless love because they seek to belittle the progress and journeys we have experienced as LGBTQ Christians.

Let’s LEARN what it means to be a Christian: it’s about a man who spoke love, not tolerance, but acceptance. The idea that we should “love the sinner, but hate the sin” is two-faced and spiritually violent. Let’s compare how many times the Bible attempts to discuss homosexuality to the number of times the Bible teaches us to care and love for our neighbors. Tell me about the Jesus you serve! The Jesus I know didn’t walk around saying “Oh no whore, can’t help you! I’m against prostitution!” I serve the Jesus who talks about love and grace. I understand spirituality and I understand the grace and kindness behind being selfless in my love.

Before you pull out your water basins I challenge you to look into your hearts and to look at where your actions come from. Instead, why don’t you take time to come out to our level and stand vigil with a community that advocates for love, equality, and true humility? Humble yourselves and step into our shoes to understand our journey. That is servant leadership, that is grace, and that is love.

Thanks Peterson for some guidance on this.

Childhood Brainwashing?

Over the past couple of months I've been doing as much as I can to raise opposition to Proposition 8 in California.  That has included volunteering at the phone bank for "No On 8" and just reaching out to friends and family to spread the word.  But for every bulletin I post on Myspace about Prop 8, I am met with resistance...by a thirteen-year-old.

My thirteen-year-old cousin has really enjoyed challenging me on my beliefs, interpretations, and opinions on politics.  However, he shares information with me that I've heard before, because I used to be in the same place he was at his age.  But he disregards that and chooses to put down my marriage and call me a sinner.  This is the last message I received from him...

VINCE AT LEAST 75% OF PASTORS AND CHURCHES THINK GAY MARRIAGE IS WRONG AND IT IS. GUESS WHAT I JUST TURNED SOME ONE WHO WAS GAY INTO A STRAIGHT MAN HE WAS MY NEIGHBOR, I TOOK HIM TO CHURCH AND HE FEELS WRONG THAT HES GAY SO I CHANGED HIM AND I SHOWED HIM THE PAPER I MADE THAT I SENT TO YOU. I'M PRAYING FOR YOU AND HIM. I THINK GOD IS USING ME TO CHANGE GAYS. I ALREADY CHANGED ONE AND I CAN CHANGE 2 MORE.

I was left speechless.  There are so many things wrong with this message.  Where does a thirteen-year-old get the idea that God has chosen them to "change the gays?"  Not to mention that he thinks he's been successful in converting at least one person and has the power to change more.  I politely responded that I tried reparative therapies and they don't work and that using guilt to push someone back into the closet is not the same thing as converting them to heterosexuality.  But what are church leaders teaching young people today?

It is not okay for a junior high student to believe that God has given him superpowers to make people straight--it's not okay for anyone to believe that.  Granted, when I was that age, I believed that homosexuality was wrong and I would voice that, but I never thought I could change gay people; but I also never thought it was fixable, I just thought they were out of luck and were destined for hell.

It is disturbing that there are church leaders that would be very proud of this young man's efforts.  Churches are using dangerous indoctrinating messages to turn children into mini-reparative therapists.  That is a scary abuse of religion.

Response to TheCall

As I was walking about the campus of San Diego State University, I saw loads of posters that caught my attention.  They were for TheCall California.  I was intrigued so I went home to check out their website.  

Personally, I'm intimidated a bit by crusades and such, all goes back to my first encounter with Promise Keeper conventions.  But my goodness, this is a crusade to "save the homosexuals" on a very large scale.  I am sure that many organizations will be responding to this very large event in the area.  I am in the process of networking to see if we can get a group of people that are willing to stand in vigil lines outside of the stadium.

I am not opposed to prayer, but what is being prayed for is something completely unnecessary.  This event demonstrates an abuse of religion and spiritual violence.  As a follower of Jesus Christ and his ministry, it's time to turn some tables in the temple.

This event is lead by Lou Engle, you may remember him from the movie Jesus Camp.  Engle is describing this a battle between "light and dark." He says that 

This is a time to resist mightily the spirit of peaceful coexistence and apathetic resignation in the face of this prevailing darkness.

It is messages like this, that suggest that LGBTQ individuals are less than normal.  These messages suggest that we are the root of all evil.  These messages are dangerous to the LGBTQ community.  Words lead to action.  By calling this a spiritual war between good and bad and designating the gay and lesbian community as "bad," Engle is sanctioning and condoning violence against the Queer community.  

The Marriage Debate

As many of us know, one of the last bastions of discrimination against the lesbian and gay community are at present not allowed to marry.  By governments not sanctioning same-gender marriages, they are voicing that do not recognize love that is shared by two consenting adults that want to proclaim their love with one another.

There are many couple rights that are not awarded to gay and lesbian partnerships, both big and small.  To allow gay couples to marry would enable them to take advantage of the various fiscal benefits accorded to married couples in general.  Gay couples at this time are unable to claim their spouses on their tax returns.  As a college student, I am forced to list "single" on my financial aid (FAFSA) application, because the federal government aid will not recognize my marital status.  Many universities, including my own, will not recognize gay couples as "independent students" even though it is granted automatically to straight married couples.

It is completely inaccurate to perceive marriage merely as an institution for child-raising purposes.  For one, there are many married couples today that do not have any children, nor intend to.  Likewise, there is increasing number of children that are being raised by single parents today.  Furthermore, there is psychological evidence and studies that have proven and continue to argue that being raised by two fathers or two mothers is just as healthy as being raised by one mother and one father--as long as the child's well-being is in mind and cared for, there is no argument for why that child cannot have a healthy and viable family life.

Civil unions and domestic partnership registrations are not equivalent to marriage.  They do not grant similar rights, nor are they treated the same way.  Equality means that we share the same civil rights and liberties as our neighbors, not a generic brand of the real thing.

Marriage in this country is also not a Christian institution, as marriage is granted to non-Christian straight couples all the time.  The debate over marriage is not a moral issue, this is a civic issue.

Somehow I'll Make a Man Out of You

How many of you have heard that song from the Disney movie Mulan, "I'll Make a Man Out of You?" I feel like that song represents an interesting part of my ex-gay experience. I've been visiting San Diego State University for the past two weeks (my husband is a student here) and they've been having Greek Week, which is a time for students to find out about the fraternities and sororities on campus and then perhaps rush for them. There was one fraternity that really caught my eye, Alpha Gamma Omega, SDSU's only Christ-centered fraternity. So I decided to check out some of the things they do. They do: Worship Night, Wakeboarding, Beach Football, Broomball, and then "Bigger or Better" (I'm not sure what that means exactly).

Their activities they have planned really got me thinking about gender roles and how they could possibly be trying to re-assert their masculinity by these activities. I was taught through my reparative therapy counseling sessions that men engage in these activities not to necessarily "butch" ourselves up, but because sports are a natural way for guys to connect with another.

Because I was told that my father did an inadequate job raising me to be a "man of God," I was assigned to male mentor in the church.

For us guys in the program they partner us up with straight male mentors, particularly men who are a little older, overweight, and balding. Well, the therapeutic theory behind this is that they believe that these guys will serve as less of temptation for us. But I have a little confession to make. I find those guys kinda hot. --Chad, Doin' Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House

My male mentor's job was to pretty much be the good Christian example that my father wasn't. We went out to play catch at the lake, we went to go see action flicks at the cinema, and like every good Christian "dad" he took me to a Promise Keepers convention where I was supposed to learn how to become a "man of integrity." From my mentor I was supposed to receive constant reaffirmation for the good things I did that were representative of an authentic "man of God."

However, through my attempts to "reconnect with my masculinity" I ironically began to feel like less of a man through the activities that I was doing. I felt like masculinity was being defined for me. I always knew that I was a feminine guy. I had heard that since I was a small boy and I had learned to accept it. But my male mentor didn't know how to respond to that. He had 2 sons that were older than me and I'm sure he was just doing what he done with his sons when he raised them. Eventually he had starting feeling like he was doing something wrong as a leader, but then changed his mind to the belief that there was just more that was wrong with me.

So as these fraternity brothers play their beach football and tackle one another with no shirts on, I wonder if they do so because they too believe that sports are just the natural way for men to connect with one another.

The Great Frontier: Contributor to Religious Violence

In my Religion and Film class this summer I wrote a paper where I argued that the Frontier Myth is a potent contributor to religious violence in the history of American culture. Below is an excerpt of my paper. I would like to start a discussion on this thought though, please leave comments:

An important aspect to draw from the cinematic representations of the frontier through these films is an understanding of how these themes have played a role in the cultural history of America and why the frontier is such a potent contributor to religious violence. There are several reasons as to why the frontier is so powerful and dangerous even at times. First, there is an understanding that violent confrontations take place over and in different kinds of spaces, whether that is national spaces or even religious spaces. It is generally understood that conflict and violence arises in these spaces because they cannot be divided among rival groups. This is clearly evident in the recent history of the United States through issues battling with minority groups: women, people of color, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals, etc. Since there is a common goal shared by both groups that can only go to one group—limited resources—there is competition, and because of the theory of realistic conflict, the groups will compete with one another, become hostile, and ultimately attempt to eliminate their opponents. Secondly, there is conflict over what actually makes a nation-state. The most crucial factor to that conflict is the ability to control borders. If a nation-state cannot control their borders the legitimacy of the nation-state falls away. Therefore, groups are always battling on the frontiers to convert the space in their space, and by doing so; they add the space to the nation-state. Groups place their hegemony over territories that may not be their own. Maintain the theme of the traditional frontier, this was seen during the Americanization of the Native Americans even in the second-half of the twentieth-century. Converting their lands into major cities and only giving them very poor parts of the lands. Another example of this placing control over “enemy land” was the building of the Arlington National Cemetery which is located on the plantation of Jefferson Davis; creating a monument for your own people in a land of your “other” is a slap in the face. A third reason is that frontiers are places where identity is confused unless you are powerful. Therefore, striving to be the strongest and the most feared as a nation would make others aware and decrease the likelihood of having their space trumped on. Finally, frontiers are also places where the nation-state is most vulnerable and therefore the settlers on the frontier have a very important role to place in the drama and history of the nation-state.

Parents of LGBTQ Children

Parents have been on my mind a lot lately. It all started last week when I was visiting my mom and she was sharing a rather exciting moment with me. A classmate in one of her classes asked her if she had ever seen “Brokeback Mountain.” As she was proudly sharing the romantic plot of the movie one her male colleagues interrupted her to say that movie was about “two cowboys that go camping to become fags.” This was the first time my mom has ever been faced with having to respond to the use of anti-gay epithets. She firmly stood up and looked the gentleman in the eyes and assertively told him, “I don’t like that word.” He replied, “Well they are fags!” She then said, “My son is gay and I love him very much. That word, ‘fag,’ is dirty, violent, harmful, and I’m not going to let you or anyone insult my son, my family, and the many other LGBT people that we are all connected with. Now, like I said, ‘I don’t like that word.’” The gentleman quickly backed down and apologized many, many times. The class applauded and quickly people started sharing with her about their gay relatives.  I was incredibly proud of my mom and was tearing up when she told me.

Coincidently, the next day I had received a message on YouTube from a man who wanted to share his mother’s experience with his coming out experience. She allegedly speaks out quite a bit on being a mother of a gay son. I watched a YouTube video of her speaking. When her son first came out to her, she insisted on reparative therapy. He never spoke to her again. It was after that she realized that was doing something wrong as a parent: she forgot to love him. Her mission isn’t to teach a position on homosexuality (while I think she may not agree with it though, but that’s just a personal observation), she wants to teach parents to remember that they are called to love their children unconditionally. There was a line from her speech that I loved, “I cannot teach you how to change your children, but I can teach you how to love them!”

Not every parent of a LGBTQ child has to stand up in class to acknowledge that have a gay child. Every mom doesn’t have to be a PFLAG member and march in the Pride parade. Every parent doesn’t have to be “out.” But parents do have a duty as a parent to love their children unconditionally. All too often when children come out their parents, they are not reminded that they are loved. Parents too often focus on “who” their children are attracted to, they care about what the church will the think, they don’t want their little boys wearing dresses, etc. But they need to pause and remember that before saying anything else to their child, they need to remind them that they are loved no matter what.

I’ve been in contact with this young man who is in his coming out process. He just came out to his father. His father responded ignorantly on the subject and doesn’t ever want to hear anything about it ever again. What’s hurting my friend the most is that his father never told him loved him still. My friend said that he doesn’t care if his dad will disagree with his homosexuality, but he wants to know that he will still be loved.

Parents, you have a duty to your children to remind that no matter what you will love them without reservation.

M Butterfly

For those that haven’t seen or read the play, or even seen the movie, I highly recommend you do so. M Butterfly is an absolutely amazing play about love—love that defies convention and really sparks your mind to begin thinking about gender in a whole new way. It is a story of a French man that finds his true love in a Chinese woman, his “butterfly,” but later discovers that his precious “butterfly” is indeed a man posing as woman to spy for the Chinese government.

In my Religion and Film class we just finished watching the movie and had an interesting discussion about the film. We discussed the different elements of love and spent a great deal of time examining the deception that took place in their relationship. The question that we spent the most time discussing though was: Did Rene Gallimard know that Song Liling was really man?

Everyone in the class was in utter shock! This couple had been together for over 20 years and the gender of Song was never discussed. There is a scene where Song is asked, “Did Mr. Gallimard know that you were a man?” The response from Song is deliciously perfect, “I never asked him.”

There was this thought floating around the class that Song deceived Rene and distorted his image of what or who his “butterfly” was. I challenged everyone to ask, “Does it matter?” Rene got everything he wanted out of his relationship with the “ideal Oriental woman.” He was loved, he got a child, he was sexually satisfied, he was happy! So in what way was his “love” distorted? Even after he discovered that Song was a man (although I argued along the lines of Song being gender queer) he was still in love!

The author of the play wrote in his afterword that it is Western mind that gets preoccupied with knowledge. We have a “false knowledge of gender, sexuality, etc.” It is the abuse of knowledge that sets us behind in a quest for equality. I have provided the final scene of the movie that was brilliantly done and shows the intensity of their love they had in their relationship. But I highly encourage everyone to either read or see the movie!

The Great Frontier: The Myth of the "Ex-Gay" Movement

As children (American, at least), we were all acquainted with the great stories of the "Old West," the "Great Frontier." Our thoughts of the "frontier" may bring images to mind of the Indian Wars, John Wayne, caballeros, etc. The idea of the "frontier" was brought to us by both Theodore Roosevelt and Frederick Jackson Turner. Both gentlemen describe the "frontier" as sort of a "land of opportunity." Stories that arose out of these theses were of the great "hero" that would destroy the "savages" (usually Native Americans) to make the "frontier" a safer place for the settlers. Usually there was also forced assimilation into "White culture" but that will be addressed later.

In the twenty-first century I believe that we still fighting on the "frontier." Surely there are many Native American tribes that are losing their reservations and such, but I argue that there are new "frontiers" that are being encroached upon by the assumed "heroes" and there are now new "savages." In the 21st Century Evangelical movement the "new frontier" is the world and the Church. The assumed "heroes" are the powerful leaders within the Church, and I will argue that homosexual and transgender individuals are being interpreted as the "savages."

In this article I will compare and contrast the traditional "frontier" to the "ex-gay" movement of the 21st century. I will argue that the "ex-gay" experiences follows suit with the structure of a classical "hero myth" (myth meaning truth). I will also flip the tables as I introduce new perspectives into the "frontier" and change the roles of the "heroes" and "savages." Finally, I hope to present a resolution to the new "wars" that are taking place on the "frontier."

The myth of the "traditional frontier" is our oldest and most characteristic myth, expressed in a body of literature, folklore, ritual, historiography, and polemics produced over a period of three centuries. The original ideological task of the Myth was to explain and justify the establishment of the American colonies. Conflict was a central and peculiar feature in the process of American development in the colonies. As a result, the "savage war" became a characteristic episode of each phase of westward expansion.

In each stage of its development, the Myth of the Frontier relates the achievement of "progress" to a particular form or scenario of violent action. Therefore, the image of the "savage wars" becomes the symbol of "progress" for American history--regeneration through violence.

The frontier would therefore be considered a violent and dangerous place to be. Settlers response to the frontier is that it is the "country that [kills] our children." The frontier is not a safe place unless we (the White man) make it a safe place. They make it safe by destroying the “enemy,” or the “others.” In the eyes of many Christians and Church leaders, the world can be perceived as a "dangerous place." The world teaches "sinful behaviors" and there are many individuals that are "lost in the world." Their response to the "new frontier" is that we (the Church) need to deliver "redemption" to the world. It has become the Evangelical credo that we must "save the world through Him (Christ)." There are Evangelical leaders that have called the Evangelical movement a "spiritual war between good and evil." Unlike the "savage wars," there isn't the bloodshed and lives being ended in the attempt to "save the world" from sin--at least not since the Crusades. In this battle there is a struggle for the Christians (the presumed heroes) to save the “others” by saving their souls. How is this done? Forcing assimilation. Much like the “Great Americans” did with the Native Americans.

How does this apply with the “ex-gay” movement? Well I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. I argue that the “others” are the LGBTQ individuals (closeted and out). In the attempt to make the frontier safe, or free of sin, “ex-gay” leaders try to change the lives of LGBTQ individuals. Like the traditional frontier, there is violence in which they try to achieve regeneration on the frontier. Spiritual violence. Through the abuse of Scripture and the misuse of religion “ex-gay” leaders have destroyed the souls and inner well-beings of individuals to a point where they “convert.”


To be continued...Part 2 coming soon!

A New Type of Cultural Immersion

I just recently moved into my apartment at the University of California, Santa Barbara.  My apartments I live in have 4 students assigned to a 2 bedroom apartment.  After I got my roommate assignments, I quickly noticed that I was the only one in the apartment that wasn't heterosexual.

It has been 2 years since I have lived with straight roommate, that experience was very interesting for the both of us (considering he was living with two gay roommates).  It has been 3 years since I've lived with a straight person I don't know, except 3 years ago, I wasn't out of the closet and for some of the time I was oblivious to my same-gender attractions.

But now here I am, I'm out, I've been through so many life experiences since then.  I'm a huge advocate for social justice for LGBT people, and I'm living with 3 heterosexual males.  I have to admit that I was very nervous at first, I still am in fact.  Of what?  That's what I'm not sure about.  I guess that I want my apartment to be a safe place for me and perhaps nervous that by living with 3 straight roommates that's not possible.  Wonderfully, I have no complaints about my roommates though.

I haven't taken it upon myself to come out to them though.  Part of me feels that it might be unnecessary, since most people can just sort of figure that out after 10 minutes of talking with me.  Plus, if they glance at my book collection, or see the rainbow stole I have in my room, they might just get it on their own.  But I also feel it's unnecessary, because I want them to get to know me as just Vincent, as opposed to Vincent the Gay.

As much as I want them to learn more about the LGBTQ community, by experiencing living with a gay student, I feel that in this scenario, I think I will be the one that will be learning more.  I admit that I have had some preconceived notions about heterosexual men.  I know that's not fair at all.  I have many ally friends that are guys.  But naturally, that's what came to my mind first.  The thoughts that they are gonna see me as less than a man, or that they are secretly homophobic, or something to that extent.  By living with these guys, I hope that I learn enough about them and they can learn enough about me, so that I can continue to bridge this gap of awkwardness and resistance between the straight and LGBTQ communities.

I really do need some prayer support though.  It's going to be a journey.

I Have the Only Women's Voice in My Family

At a family barbecue today, I learned why politics are to never be discussed at the dinner table. My father, being a native of Mexico, voiced that he is glad that Hillary Clinton won't receive the candidacy for President of the United States of America. His supporting argument: just because she is a woman. There were no other supporting reasons. Now who I support for the presidency of the United States of America is really irrelevant here, since his only argument is guilty of a fallacy that attacks the character of Clinton (being that she's a woman).

It shocked my father and the women in my family to hear me speak up and say that is unacceptable and wrong to undervalue and discriminate against a person based on their gender. Furthermore, that I personally believe that women are the superior gender (but that was just a personal opinion).

My father reassured me that he was right and that "man-to-man" I just to need see this from a man's point of view. That nearly sent me off the edge. I cordially responded in Spanish, "No Dad, that's the problem. We need to start looking at these issues from a gender neutral perspective, because if we continue to allow patriarchy to dictate our society, we will only be moving backwards. And with respect towards you as my father, please respectfully never talk to me 'man-to-man.'"

I then began to have to rebut misconceptions and really insults that he had about women: women being weak, not as intelligent, too soft, etc. All my responses had support and I sincerely wanted everyone to understand that it is not okay to continue undervaluing women and setting them in a category that makes them "less than."

It got me thinking that patriarchy tends to still dictate many communities, including Latin and Hispanic America. Many of the women in my family still stay at home to care for the children, clean up, and cook for their husbands. I have no objection to women who make the decision to be homemakers, but most of the women in family that do this, do it against their own will. All too often, Latina women are not given a voice. They accept this out this out of tradition and out of fear.

I join along with other Latina and Hispanic women that have began the feminist movement within Latin and Hispanic America. Women like Sor Juana de la Cruz, Gloria Anzaldua, and Ana Nieto Gomez. I leave you with a poem in Spanish by Sor Juana de la Cruz, "Las Redondillas":

Hombres necios que acusáis
a la mujer sin razón,
sin ver que sois la ocasión
de lo mismo que culpáis.

Si con ansia sin igual
solicitáis su desdén,
¿por qué queréis que obren bien
si las incitáis al mal?

Combatís su resistencia
y luego, con gravedad,
decís que fue liviandad
lo que hizo la diligencia.

Parecer quiere el denuedo
de vuestro parecer loco,
al niño que pone el coco
y luego le tiene miedo.

Queréis, con presunción necia,
hallar a la que buscáis
para, pretendida, Tais;
en la posesión, Lucrecia.

¿Qué humor puede ser más raro
que el que, falto de consejo,
él mismo empaña el espejo
y siente que no esté claro?

Con el favor y el desdén
tenéis condición igual:
quejándoos si os tratan mal;
burlándoos, si os quieren bien.

Opinión ninguna gana,
pues la que más se recata,
si no os admite, es ingrata,
y si os admite, es liviana.

Siempre tan necios andáis,
que, con desigual nivel,
a una culpáis por cruel
a otra por fácil culpáis.

¿Pues cómo ha de estar templada
la que vuestro amor pretende,
si la que es ingrata ofende
y la que es fácil enfada?

Mas entre el enfado y la pena
que vuestro gusto refiere,
bien haya la que no os quiere,
y quejaos enhorabuena.

Dan vuestras amantes penas
a sus libertades alas,
y después de hacerlas malas
las queréis hallar muy buenas.

¿Cuál mayor culpa ha tenido
en una pasión errada:
la que cae de rogada
o el que ruega de caído?

¿O cuál es más de culpar
aunque cualquiera mal haga:
la que peca por la paga
o el que paga por pecar?

¿Pues para qué os espantáis
de la culpa que tenéis?
Queredlas cual las hacéis
o hacedlas cual las buscáis.

Dejad de solicitar,
y después, con más razón,
acusaréis de afición
de la que os fuere a rogar.

Bien con muchas armas fundo
que lidia vuestra arrogancia,
pues en promesas e instancia
juntáis diablo, carne y mundo.

Pride Within Myself

Beyond Masculinity

What does it mean to be a queer man?

Beyond Masculinity is a groundbreaking collection of 20 smart, insightful essays from a diverse group of writers that all tackle this question. All published online and available anywhere in the world, 24/7, for free. Readers will find a tremendously diverse group of queer men thoughtfully reflecting on their experiences--and using those experiences to build powerful analyses of their social worlds,

including:

• Qwo-Li Driskill’s “Shaking Our Shells: Cherokee Two-Spirits Rebalancing Our World”: A poetic plea for Native American Two-Spirit peoples to search for their histories and become leaders in their communities

• Brian Lobel’s “Penis. Vagina. Penetration. The End”: A hilarious and moving recounting of the author’s quest to lose his virginity to a woman before a surgery to remove a cancerous tumor that threatens to leave him unable to ejaculate ever again

• Rob Day-Walker, “Jesus of San Francisco: Can Jesus be a Resource for Queer Masculinities?: A careful dissection of Biblical scripture, set against his own experiences as a Christian gay man, in search of a Jesus that is feminist and decidedly queer

• Daniel Solís y Martínez’s “Mestiza/o Gender: Notes Towards a Transformative Masculinity”: A brilliant attempt to understand how to build a queer identity that incorporates both his Latino/a heritage and Western ideas about homosexuality
  

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. From an 80-year old gay man’s reflections on living life “between” male and female (Autrey’s “Somewhere in Between”), to a transgender man’s plea for bottoms to please (Macey’s “Top to Bottom”), Beyond Masculinity collectively breaks through the typical and boldly describes a resilient, challenging understanding of being a queer man in the 21st century.

Beyond Masculinity isn’t your traditional anthology. Readers become listeners when they subscribe on iTunes and download essays recorded as podcasts. Built using blogging software, anyone can log on anywhere in the world and comment directly on the essays. In short, not only does this project break topical ground, but it also explores the potential power of the Internet to provide new tools for sparking smart dialogue on sexuality and gender.

I was able to identify with many of the essays, as I saw parts of my journey in these life stories and experiences.  I know many of you will discover the same thing.

Justice Alliance Merced Concert

Gay Marriage in California

As many of you may now know, today the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on same-gender marriage.  That would allow California to be the second state in the United States of America to have legalized marriage for lesbian and gay couples.

To read more about the court's decision click here for an article from the San Francisco Chronicle.

I am very happy about the 4-3 margin decision.  That shows that California is definitely moving in the right direction with equal rights.  However, with the initiative in November, we could easily face some issues if Californians vote that marriage is defined as one man and one woman.  Therefore, our work is still in progress.  But in the meantime, celebrations are still in order.

It makes me wish I was planning to stay in California permanently.  Unfortunately that may not be the case.  Especially since I plan to leave California for graduate school and possibly will make my home elsewhere.  But we'll see.

Sir, No Sir

With the end of the semester coming up soon, it appears that the number of recruiters for the armed forces has increased on campus. In the past two weeks I have been stopped on my way to class by the Army, the Marines, and the Air Force (for some reason the Navy has bothered with our campus). Since our community isn't known for successful transferring to four-year universities, many of the young men (and few women) in my area go into the armed forces, primarily into the Marines. Usually I am in a rush to class, so I never get the opportunity to actually speak with most of these recruiters. But yesterday I took the time to actually have a conversation with the Army recruiters.

They are usually impressed that I was an ROTC cadet, already took my ASVAB, etc. Then they asked why I never ended up serving. Of course I told them because I am openly gay and refuse to closet myself under the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. There was that awkward silence. So I excused myself to start heading to class. I know to expect this when I talk to them, but it is still frustrating the nonetheless.

Suddenly I began to think about the Harlem Renaissance, probably because we had discussed it in my class prior to meeting up with the recruiters. But I really began thinkingjust about the 369th Infantry Regiment from New York, also known as the Harlem Hellfighters. They were known for the being the first African-American Regiment during the First World War. Nobody from the U.S. wanted to fight alongside these gentlemen because of the color of their skin. So they fought with the French army, since the French didn't see their skin color as an issue. These gentlemen served in the forward Allied trenches longer than any other U.S. regiment during World War I. The French were so impressed with this unit that they awarded them with the "Croix de Guerre." The 369th Infantry Regiment was the first New York unit to return to the United States, and was the first unit to march up Fifth Avenue from the Washington Square Park Arch to their Armory in Harlem, and their unit was placed on the permanent list with other veteran units. Also during the war the 369th's regimental band ) became famous throughout Europe, being the first to introduce the until-then unknown music called "jazz" to British, French and other audiences, and starting a world-wide demand for it.

It was amazing to me how these men made such a mark in history. Given the time period, they were not liked by many. Our own military didn't even want them serving. That is quite sad. But look at how great they turned out to be. When I got to my next class we began discussing the civil rights movement. But before we got deep into the 1960s, we discussed the year of 1948 and Harry Truman.

In 1948, President Truman issued Executive Order 9981, ordering the integration of the military shortly after World War II, a major advance in civil rights. But what was most impressive was that Truman's political adviser warned him that this was a bad idea and that it would cost him votes in the election. It may have cost him some votes in the election, but not enough, because he was still re-elected for a second term.

In the course of a little over 30 years, our military went from not wanting to serve next to an all Black regiment, to having the President of the United States ordering that the armed forces be integrated. It's been 15 years since "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was approved by President Clinton, I certainly hope it doesn't take 15 more years to do away with it. But at least history does remind us that there is a happy ending.

More Joey Heath

"I'll Show You a Real Man!"

Children are precious, they really are. They are the future of the world, right? But as we also know, they are very impressionable. So when I see a child regurgitating what they have been taught, I never know if I'm supposed to laugh and think it's cute, or should I be concerned at the things they are putting out.

Yesterday, during my evening walk, I came across a young boy. He was probably around 6-8 years old, definitely younger than 10. From a distance I could hear him roaring. I initially thought that he was playing some animal safari game or pretending he was a lion. As I was passing him, he reached over to a huge stalk of flowers/field weeds and grabbed this huge stalk, uprooted it, lifted it over his head and roared again. I chuckled. Then, the young boy throws the stalk on the ground and yells, "I'll show your a real man!!" He then jumps on the stalk and starts to stomp the stalk to death as he continues to roar like the Incredible Hulk.

As I am walking away, I immediately stopped laughing. But I did turn around to observe. His father was sort of encouraging his beastly behavior. I began to think: why is it that this young boy think that being barbaric and beast-like is the definition of a "real man?" He was clearly equating super strength with being masculine as he uprooted the weeds. But he also connecting aggression and violence to being a man.

Sure he is just a child. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's just playing. I don't believe that. I believe that he is doing what he has been taught, whether it be by television, movies, or his father. At such a young age he was being taught "gender roles" as defined by most of society. It's happened to all of us. Many young boys used to role-play "Power Rangers" because fighting off the bad guys was masculine in the 90s--of course they always made me the female Pink Ranger though. I've said it before on this blog: are we really this far behind? I honestly don't feel like I'm taking the child's behavior beyond what I should be. This is very legit and very alarming. I don't want the future generations of men to think that to be masculine means you have to have super strength and be aggressively beast-like.

Be A Man!

In my US History class we are currently learning about imperialism.  In our discussion about the social psychology of imperialism we discussed "manliness;" it was very important to display the qualities of being a man.  They had to accept the "code."   It was really the middle class' attempt to embody the benefits of being male.  Which is why organizations like the "Boy Scouts" were created, to instill the military virtues that made men, manly men.  I then came across a poem by Rudyard Kipling.  The poem "If" was written in 1895 by Kipling to his son.  A great example of the "code" and the qualities that the middle class was trying to embody:

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

I began to think, "Are we still trying to enforce this code on men today?"  Is there still this pressure to be like this?  Kipling set the bar pretty high!  But really though, has anything changed?  I still remember when I was growing up and if I feel and scraped my knee, the first thing my dad would say is, "Stop crying!  Be a man!"  I still hear fathers say that.  Or why is that when athletic teams mess up, the coach is quick to call the team, "pussies," "sissies," or "girls?"

I feel that in the past 100 years very little has changed in terms of what we demand of men in our society.  Why are women unable to live by the standards that are set forth for men to achieve?  God forbid a woman is successful, strong, independent, and free, because she must be a lesbian!  One hundred years people!  Let's get with the 21st Century!

I Brought It Home! Presentation In My Hometown

I'm a little behind on this post, so I apologize, I have been too busy with midterms and figuring out where the heck I'm transferring to in the fall. But amidst the craziness in my academic schedule, I have found time to actually continue bringing about messages of truth, love, and inclusion to areas that don't always get word of that. I am referring to my recent presentation I made at Merced College (in my hometown) last week.

The day before the presentation and film screening, there was an article in our local newspaper, the Merced Sun-Star, that discussed the film briefly, but also focused on the different events Vince and I have been a part of including the Equality Ride and beyond.

Documentary illustrates deep-rooted homophobia. Putting a human face on homosexuality, religion and marriage is easier said than done. Vince Pancucci, 21, and Vincent Cervantes, 20, can speak to that statement. And they will -- in depth Thursday evening at Merced College's film night. Read article.

A year ago, the Sun-Star did a feature article on us and the Equality Ride. The article that was written in 2007 received lots of criticism and harsh Letters to the Editor. This year, surprisingly enough, there was a lot affirmation coming out of the article from people in the community. Granted yes, that were comments that suggested that reparative therapy is the only solution to homosexuality and that we should be ashamed. I cordially responded with my experiences with "ex-gay" therapy and how these programs tend to do more harm than good. I even made reference to the article written by Peterson Toscano, where he outlined the different ways that conversion therapies do harm. After the article and presentation, Letters to the Editor rolled in to share their belief that homosexuality is wrong and not in God's created intent for humankind. None of which I have replied to.

The night of the presentation could be summed up in one word: amazing. The film, "Tying The Knot," was great. The dates, events, and court cases are outdated now, but the film gave a good look into the struggles that same-gender couples have to encounter on a day-to-day basis. Vince and I gave our presentation after the film. We discussed our "ex-gay" experiences (why we chose to do it and the harm that it caused), our coming out experience at Azusa Pacific University, and our experiences in activism (Equality Ride, Right to Serve, "ex-gay" survivor movements, etc.). We kept our presentation short and concise with the intention of allotting a good amount of time for Q&A. Which was the best part. I was impressed with the questions that were asked. The questions ranged from why we compare the gay rights movement to the civil rights movement; to the scriptures; to what we hope government will do; and so many more.

After the event ended, many stayed around to just converse with Vince and I. I was overwhelmed with joy and happiness by the number of married same-gender couples that came up to introduce themselves to us. I would have never known that there were queer families in Merced. It was shocking. I also met with several retired pastors in the area who at one point used to preach that homosexuality was sinful, but have recently come to new understandings about what the Bible really says about homosexuality. One of them will start blogging soon about his new understandings.

All in all, I was surprised and really, really happy with the outcome of the event and how everything came about. I am keeping in contact with many of the people I met, so that together we can build up the LGBTQ community here in Merced. It was a blessing. Thank you all for your prayers on this!

Nostaligia

It has been a while since I've posted, but that's been intentional. I often find that I'm the type of person that takes on more than they handle all at once. For the past couple of weeks, I've been working on getting major items off checked off my to-do list.

I spent this past weekend at Azusa Pacific University with my best friends. Being on-campus all weekend definitely made me feel a variety of emotions. I've been to APU on short little visits, just to say "Hi," but never to actually stay an entire weekend. I had an amazing time with my friends, it really felt good to get away from Merced and to be surrounded by some of the people that mean the most to me. But the entire time I was there, I couldn't get over the butterflies that were in my stomach of being back at APU. It felt like a thousand eyes were watching me at once and whispering, "He's the one..." When I gave my name for my coffee order at Starbucks, the barista replied, "You're famous." That was awkward. But perhaps the most awkward was when people asked if went there and I gave the open-ended response of, "I used to." Part of me was afraid to say anymore.

By the end of the weekend, APU once again felt like my home though. It was like the good ol' days of going to my friends' apartment and laying around being random and silly. I truly mean it when I say I miss what I had while at APU.

But on a different note:

This Thursday (March 6), Vince and I will be the guest speakers at a film screening here in Merced. The film is "Tying the Knot," which will focus on the inequality of marriage. Following the film will be us, we will be sharing our ex-gay experiences, experiences with activism, etc.

For those of you in the area:
Merced College, Room V-140
Thursday Night, March 6
7:00pm-9:00pm

I will post a review of how everything goes down. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We are a little nervous about this one, as Merced as a reputation of breeding some "interesting" people.

Gay Middle Schooler Fatally Shot

Many of you have already heard about this tragic incident. An incident of a young gay eighth grader that was shot in Oxnard, California. I have been processing this event since the occurrence and I have felt really emotional about it. To steal from Peterson, which worked out well for me to share the story with you all, here is what Jim Burroway from Box Turtle Bulletin wrote:

Lawrence King, a 15-year-old student at at E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, California was shot at least twice in the head by another classmate last Tuesday. Fellow students say that King was gay and was often taunted by fellow students.

King was rushed to St. John’s Regional Medical Center, where he was initially listed in critical condition. By the end of the day, his condition was reportedly improving. But today we learn that he has been declared brain dead by two neurosurgeons at the hospital on Wednesday at 2 pm. He is being kept on life support so his organs can be harvested for transplant.

Police said the 14-year-old Brandon McInerney shot King at the start of the school day and fled the campus. He was arrested by police a few blocks away. Today, prosecutors charged him with premeditated murder, with a special allegation of using a firearm in the commission of a hate crime. Once King is removed from life support, prosecutors have indicated they will try McInerney as an adult.

This incident is undoubtedly a tragedy. A tragedy that has me shaken up as an out Californian queer in a conservative fundamentalist community that actively reminds me that they don't agree with homosexuality. We certainly do have a long way to go, especially when incidents like this occur. They remind us that younger generations are still being taught a mixed message, a mixed message that is leading to violence.

Straight Allies Working Hard

One of my best friends I met during the Equality Ride was a straight student from Samford University, Emily Holladay. She has become a huge ally and is the founder of their school's Gay-Straight Alliance. Her position tends to get her some of the same oppressive responses that LGBTQ students experience. In light of February being Black History Month, she wrote an article that celebrated the civil rights movement, but also called us to realize that we have only begun our movement towards civil rights.

Can we honestly look around, see such discrimination, and still claim that America does not have a civil rights problem?
Coretta Scott King once said, “I still hear people say that I should not be talking about the rights of lesbian and gay people and I should stick to the issue of racial justice. But I hasten to remind them that Martin Luther King, Jr. said, ‘Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.’” Read More.

Emily unfortunately was met with resistance of students that are victims of misinformation and often don't understand the concept of equality or inclusive love. Here are some quotes from an email she got from a fellow student:

The government keeps homosexuals out of the military for other reasons than your illogical assumption. The government is not scared of them, or "uncomfortable" (as you put it) with homosexuals in the military, the soldiers are! The soldiers have the right to be uncomfortable around anybody (including bathing and sleeping near homosexuals). And, in order for our military to be the most effective, our soldiers need not be distracted or uncomfortable around the people they are fighting alongside.

It seems that you have made a follied attempt to uncover a fake contusion left over from previous influential decades of American history. Your points in your article are dangerous, insulting, and disgusting. It makes me sad that there are people like you in this world, continuing the trouble between people that are different from each other. If people avoided the mindset you proposed in your article (and the other extreme: discrimination), the world would be a much better place. You hold the opposite and equally errant position that racists, sexists, and the like hold. Step back, take off your blinders, and see for yourself what you have said in your article.

I am amazed at how a heterosexual student is willing to take risks in her education and in her reputation to stand alongside us queer folk to say that we deserve the same rights she has. Thank you to all allies who endure the same oppression we do too!

"Ex-Gay" Therapy Stunted My Creative Growth

For those that know me well, know that the performing arts have been a major part of life growing up. I definitely identify with the cliché phrase: “I started singing when I learned to talk. I started dancing when I learned to walk.” I definitely drove my family insane with the amount of music that came out of my room. I invested countless hours and perhaps hundreds to thousands of dollars in lessons, traveling expenses, and performances. One of my biggest dreams was to be on Broadway (no surprise there) or to travel the world as a notable opera singer. I personally don’t think that I was “great,” but I was definitely on my way to being well recognized and getting closer to my goals (I am really trying not to sound arrogant here, but I was in a place where I was aware of the talent I possessed). I was involved with a couple different theatre companies and got to be on stage regionally. I performed at festivals with vocal groups and we did quite well. Dancing was something I enjoyed, but never something I really did in a big spotlight—hip-hop and jazz were my fortes. Towards the end of high school I began to pursue bigger dreams, including auditioning for company roles on Broadway, applying to Juilliard School of the Performing Arts (I applied junior year), and declaring my major at some schools as either a Vocal Performance major or a Theatre major. My plan was simple at one point, I was going to make it as a performer or go into the Navy (which another dream of mine).

I’ve mentioned before how throughout high school I was often already presumed to be gay because of my interest in the performing arts. Go figure they were right, but as we know stereotypes don’t always prove everything. As I was watching YouTube videos last night, I was watching some amazing vocalists and dancers. I began having one of those movie flashback nostalgia moments. It got me to thinking about the performing arts in my life and how they have gone through the same effects I have through my experiences.

Specifically would be the way my passion and dedication were addressed during my ex-gay experience. To put it bluntly, ex-gay therapy really destroyed my creativity (or at least attempted to). As with many ex-gay programs, participants are often taught how to “butch themselves up” so that they will be more inclined to be straight, usually this involves participating in male-contact sports or other “masculine assumed” activities. Apparently, dancing and singing aren’t masculine. It was recommended that I give it all up to God so that I could become the straight man of God I am called to be. Through compromise I agreed to stop dancing, since it was never anything really too big in my life (well at least not by itself). I just finished up with a variety show project with a theatre, so I fasted from theatrical performance as well. I was unwilling to give up vocal performance though. I was on a music scholarship at Azusa Pacific University and needed the funds. So my counselor recommended that I sing either bass or baritone, as opposed to tenor, because apparently tenors are more inclined to be homosexual. I agreed and began training to deepen my voice (since I had issues being a bass), I also informed my choir director that I would be singing baritone instead of tenor.

Since starting my recovery process, I realized how much my creative growth was stunted as a result of ex-gay therapy. Although I’m re-entering the performance scene as a theatrical performance activist in-training, I am still unable to fully reclaim being a vocalist or a dancer. Part of me was (and still partially) afraid to sing again because 1. I am reminded of my counseling experience. 2. I am still learning to affirm my own masculinity. 3. I need train again. I’ve sung in the past year, but I still maintain a lower vocal range. When I’m home alone though, I do let it all out. Same thing with dancing. When Vince is at work, I sometimes clear all the furniture in the leaving room and go for it. It’s almost like ex-therapy has instilled this hard to understand stage fright that I can’t explain. I continue to let myself come to a place where I am comfortable reclaiming all parts of my performance life. I have no problem acting. I can act just fine. But I am still hesitant to sing and dance. What does that mean for me?

No Fems!

"20 year old gay Latino seeks straight-acting (no fems!) white or latino gay/bi guy..."

I know that I am not the only person that has seen this over and over again. But am I the only person that doesn't know what a "straight-acting" gay guy is? Sounds sort of like an oxymoron to me. How does a homosexual act straight? Does he have sex with women? In theory, there is no such thing.

Unfortunately though, many of friends often seek out these so-called "straight-acting" gays. So what are they are doing here? I know what they mean when they say it: they are seeking a masculine guy. But by calling masculine guys "straight-acting" they are asserting that masculinity is only a heterosexual trait. Sadly, they are also feeding into the stereotypical belief that gay men are feminine. Thus lumping together gender expression and sexual orientation. A common mistake that is happening more and more with many recent homosexuals. But why is that? Why are they after the "straight-acting" gays/bisexuals?

Talking with many of my friends who seek these type of guys, they often want a man that is an unnoticeable-gay or a deceiving guy, you know the ones where you have to question it and not be sure (coming back to the gender thing again). Many of my friends aren't "out;" therefore, if they aren't with a stereotypical guy and they are seen in public, they are less likely to be outed. Because if they were with a feminine guy, then preconceived notions about feminine guys will enter the minds of others and draw them to the conclusion that they are a gay couple.

This seems to be my latest frustration. I am doing my best to address this issue as it arises, but it either seems like they don't get it, or they don't want to understand. How do I break these misunderstandings?

Prophecy

Today I was going down memory lane and decided to go through my old high school yearbooks. One thing that is amazing is the evolution of my appearance--which continued in college too. But I was enjoying reading everything that my friends and classmates wrote in my yearbook. When I got to Senior year (when I was with the young woman I was to marry and I had NO IDEA I was gay), I came across one message in particular that I literally said, "Wow!"

The Calling

I've been in prayer about quite a few things lately. For a while though, I've been really meditating on something that I feel God has called me to, but I just haven't been able to figure out how to respond to it.

I am in my last 8 months here in Merced, California (I'll be going to California State Polytechnic University-Pomona). Which is both a blessing and a mildly sad thing for me. It would be a blessing because I have planned most of my high school career to leave Merced and do my best to never return--that plan didn't exactly work out well. But mildly sad, since I know I won't live in Merced again after this (well that is my plan at least).

Since I've come out of the closet and became an activist that actively seeks to bring communities together and bring about human equality and social justice, I have to admit that I have done very little within my own community of Merced. Which brings me to what I feel God has been calling me to: until I leave in August/September, I plan to dedicate myself to working in the area and giving something back to the Merced and surrounding LGBTQ communities.

Because the LGBTQ community is somewhat underground in this overstimulated conservative former "cow-town," I know it is going to be a partial challenge as to finding the needs of the queer community. The route I'm looking at, would be working towards getting a community center that would serve as a resource center for education, information, outreach, and support. Given that I will only be here until August/September, I don't know if I will have a full up-and-running center by then, but I would like to have things on the roll and ready to hand over to someone to keep the dream going.

This is going to involve working heavily with the LGBTQ community and surrounding Pride centers (ie. Stanislaus Pride Center). I will need help! I don't exactly know where to begin, as I have never done this before. I can use support and prayer! Shoot me an email at vdcervantes@gmail.com if you have some advice or anything.

Queer Sex Education 101

I recently posted a blog on QueerMerced.com about my frustration with the school systems. It becomes more and more apparent to me the way many of our schools are dictated by conservative fundamentalist perspectives. In California, that's shocking usually. But after looking around online, I discovered that there are very few schools that accommodate LGBTQ topics in their curriculum.

There is a lack of recognition of the LGBTQ community within the school systems. When it comes to Health class, gay and lesbian students are being left out of the picture when instructors teach about safe-sex practices, STD/STIs, and family structures. Is this just not surprising and should be ignored? Or is time for change? Read More.

Remembering Heath Ledger

I never write about celebrities, nor write huge memorial blogs about them when they die, because I didn't ever really know them personally or anything--although I did cry when Anna Nicole Smith passed though, because I was ready for her to make her big come back.

But I would like to spend sometime to reflect on the life of Heath Ledger. As many of you have heard, Heath Ledger was found dead in his New York apartment today by police over a suspected drug overdose--which is tragic, because I find that to be a terrible way to go.

I offer remembrance to Ledger though, because I personally found him to be an important person to the gay community. Although he was straight, he definitely raised lots of awareness of the gay and lesbian community. With his role in the infamous Brokeback Mountain, where Ledger played an "in-the-closet" gay cowboy who fell in love with his partner (played by Jake Gyllenhaal). Brokeback wasn't important just because it was a movie about gay stuff. It was important because for once, people were able to see the emotions, affection, and truth to a same-gender relationship. It gave people an opportunity to see the oppression that the LGBT community faces on a day-to-day basis. People were able to see how many married men struggle with their sexual identity and how suppressing such things affects your family and yourself. It's so much more than just having sex in the wild. It's a real love story that has become a beautiful resource.

Heath Ledger will be remembered.

Dream of the King

Today in the United States we celebrate the life of the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I remember in elementary school they would gives us Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. portraits we could color with the 35 brown crayons they distributed. As many of us may know already, Hillary Clinton was recently criticized for her suggestion that president Lyndon B. Johnson helped to make Dr. King's dream a reality with the passing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. While I am a republican proponent of Clinton (on most issues) I do have to disagree with her on this subject.

While I was on the Equality Ride, my friend Robin Reynolds presented a valuable question: What stopped lynching? Was it Lyndon B. Johnson? Was it the Civil Rights Act of 1964? No. No. And no. What stopped lynching was the fact that it became wrong and inhumane to do such a thing. It required the change of hearts and minds to come to the realization that dehumanizing and murdering another human being because of the color of their skin was unacceptable and wrong.

We owe these understandings to the work of Dr. King and many other civil rights leaders. Sure, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 contributed a little bit, but it the end it became a change of hearts that stopped lynching.

40 years later though....is Dr. King's dream still being heard? Are we living in a country where

"all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!'"

We are in a decade of new oppression and new injustices, but in the words of the King family: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice every where."

Update and "For The Bible Tells Me So"

I haven't neglected the blog! I swear! I've only been trying to get used to the schedule I have now with classes starting again and work adding some new shifts for me.

Just as a small update for you all. I will be finishing (finally) my general education at the junior college and then I am actually transferring to California State Polytechnic University-Pomona. I really felt that God was pulling me towards Pomona and the whole area that surrounds it (which will include Azusa Pacific University since it is 10 minutes away). I'll start there in the Fall and graduate soon there after.

There will be a screening of "For The Bible Tells Me So" in Pasadena on January 31st. I highly, highly recommend seeing it. It is a fantastic film and if you come to the screening in Pasadena, then you should stay after for the panel discussion. I was asked by Faith/Activism Collective (the hosts of the screening) to be a panelist, so I definitely look forward to being down there and being apart of that experience.

The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet

So after a very long flight to New York City, I was finally there. I woke up bright and early to head to the studio of Fox News. The segment was "Teen Confessions on the Web" focusing on teenagers who share their intimate secrets online and their parents usually have no idea.

My story was basically I came out of the closet initially online and that's how my family essentially figured out my sexual orientation. My mom and I were both on the show with Mike and Juliet, it was a great experience overall I must say. Although it would have been great if the entire segment was on coming out. But I understand where my story fits in with this segment.

To watch the show online just go to the show's website at this link http://www.mandjshow.com/videos/teen-web-confessions/

On The Morning Show This Week

I got confirmation today that I will be a guest on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet this Monday. It airs on the Fox network, so be sure to check your local listings.

I will be flying to New York City on Sunday and will be on the show first thing Monday morning. I'll keep you all posted on what's to come.

I attended "Jesus Camp"

"Jesus Camp" is an intensely great movie to watch. This isn't going to be a movie review, because I couldn't share half of what I felt watching and thought while watching the movie. But I will share a little information about the movie--with a little help from Wikipedia.

Jesus Camp is a 2006 documentary directed by Rachel Grady and Heidi Ewing about a Pentecostal summer camp for children who spend their summers learning and practicing their "prophetic gifts" and being taught that they can "take back American for Christ." According to the distributor, it "doesn't come with any prepackaged point of view" and tries to be "an honest and impartial depiction of one faction of the evangelical Christian community."

I've watched "Jesus Camp" many times! I sort of just can't get enough of it. Because every time I watch it I walk away with something new. Last night, as I was watching I caught myself saying the "Pledge to the Christian Flag" and the "Pledge to the Bible" with the children, Vince told me that I do that every time I watch it--I was unaware of this. But it made me remember what it was like for me to be a part of a pentecostal setting.

Although my mother's side of the family is really Catholic (and I am an active Catholic) my father's family is very much into the Assemblies of God (AG) faith. Throughout my childhood I was very involved in the AG church. Which I don't necessarily see as a bad thing. I was a committed member of our church's Royal Rangers outpost--which is like an AG version of Boy Scouts, I was in this Bible Quiz Challenge team, I was in choir (which is where I learned how to sing like no other), and I was on the drama team.

At a young age, I was taught that there were two types of people: those who loved Jesus and those who didn't. Those who didn't would go straight to hell and those who loved Jesus should actively show it. I did.

There is one scene in the beginning of the movie that brings me to tears. It is when the children's minister is preaching and then all the children begin to speak in tongues and "fall in the Spirit." I am brought to tears because it reminds me of a time when I was 10 years old. We had this amazing speaker at our church who worked primarily with youth. He did a 4 consecutive day series of just offering God's word and letting the Spirit pour out. Every night was filled with teenagers and children speaking in tongues and falling in the Spirit. On the third night, I spoke in tongues for my first time and "fell in the Spirit." It was an amazing feeling as I laid there on the ground with words coming out of my mouth that I couldn't understand. I think back now and I think that at age 10 I didn't know what was going on--not to say that the experience wasn't genuine and real, but I'm sure I didn't understand why I was speaking in tongues or why I was "falling in the Spirit."

The next night a young woman was exorcised at the altar. It was the first exorcism I had ever scene. I was horrified at age 10 at what I saw. It was like nothing I had seen before. Little did I know that 8 years later I would be getting an exorcism...at the same church, by the same pastor.